West Ham 2 Middlesbrough 1

And there goes another season. Capped off by this win that sends Boro down and me mumbling incoherently about it being karma over Bernie Slaven.

 

I love the last game of the season. There’s normally a party atmosphere combined with a bit of sun and alcohol and if there’s something to play for, a real edge to proceedings. Someone forgot to inform Middlesbrough about that though.

 

What struck me most, was the lack of heart shown by the visitors. Yeah, their fate was by and large beyond their control, but there was a glimmer of hope. But their lacklustre performance seemed to sum up their season. They rarely forced us out of first gear and I reckon they’ve got a long hard struggle ahead of them next season.

 

With the chuckle brothers confined to the bench, Zola gave Carlton a start, with a five man midfield supporting him. Whilst we weren’t at our most fluent, chance after chance was created.

 

It was Cole who opened the scoring. The reborn Boa Morte playing a huge part in creating the goal. The transformation from the player we had for so long is unbelievable. If only he could remember his knack of scoring goals.

 

After allowing the visitors to equalise by conceding too much time on the ball, they felt obliged to return the favour. Junior Stanislas, who was a bright spark all afternoon, offered possibly his weakest attempt on goal all afternoon, only for Brad Jones to allow it to squirm in. After this there was only going to be one winner. Even the introduction of our comedy pairing up front couldn’t derail us.

 

When the final whistle went, Boro players rather theatrically hit the floor, head in hands. Excuse me lads, but if you actually bothered to turn up for most of the season, you wouldn’t have been in this mess. Not as if you came anywhere near too saving your skin was it.

 

It’s been a strange season. As soon as Curbishley managed to get us in the goals and looking almost entertaining he got the bullet. Zola came in, got us playing some joyous football at times and despite enduring horrendous injuries we ended up a top half side. We look capable of defending for the first time in living memory. Now if only we could keep some key players fit. The future looks potentially bright.

 

And so off into the night we went. Reflective on a season on which much promise was shown, giggling uncontrollably about Millwall and scratching our heads about how some of the lamentable talent we had have now become integral parts of the team.

Everton 3 West Ham 1

And so the European dream ends. To be honest it’s a blessing in disguise. The squad simply hasn’t got the strength in depth and I’m not sure my liver could have taken the additional damage.

 

It was a disappointing day. The game was marred by the referee’s terrible decision to send James Tomkins off. Yeah it probably was a penalty, but the decision to give the youngster a straight red for it was laughable.

 

Until that point we had coped admirably and Kovac’s unexpected rocket had put us into an equally unexpected lead. Once again the pairing up front was our weakness. Tristan got into a couple of good positions but was so lethargic it killed off any chance of capitalising. Di Michele was at his worst. It was a blessed relief to see them both depart at the interval.

 

With the penalty resulting from the pathetic sending off duly despatched it gave Everton the impetus they desperately needed. They came back for the restart fired up and it didn’t take long for them to notch a second and from then there was no realistic way back.

 

The one bright spark for us was the formerly lamented Carlton Cole. His return from injury in the second half emphasised how much we’d missed him. He hassled and harried the home defence. Let’s hope Di Michele and Tristan we’re watching.

 

Just Middlesbrough to go now. A team I have no real time for, see the Bernie Slaven grudge from earlier in the season. I wouldn't miss them if we were to relegate them. Hopefully Carlton will start and add the firepower we've been lacking (God what a difference 6 months make).

 Though 7th is now out of the equation, to finish above the unmentionables from N17 would be lovely.

 

 

 

West Ham 0 Liverpool 3

Mention Liverpool to some and it will evoke memories of The Beatles and the glorious football team graced by the likes of Keegan and Dalglish, Mention Liverpool to me and you’ll get a seething bitterness brought on by pipping us to the title in 1986, denying us the right to UEFA cup football, that cheating little git Sammy Lee and worst of the all, the extreme heartbreak caused by Steven Gerrard 3 years ago.

 

So to go behind at the hands of Gerrard almost instantly wasn’t ideal. In fact it was game over. You just couldn’t see our rag, tag and bobtail eleven getting back into it. We’ve been punching above our weight in recent weeks, and to overturn this setback against a team who in recent weeks been in devastating form and still with an outside chance of the title was never on.

 

We had the possession, and I thought Mark Noble had a superb game in midfield, but never the cutting edge to hurt them. When we did carve out opportunities sadly the fell to the feet of David di Michele, who produced an absolutely dreadful performance, capped by an incident that will possibly go down as one of the most embarrassing of his career. Having latched onto a Carragher error and with a free run at goal he conspired to make a complete hash of it and then dive in an attempt to win a penalty. West Ham fans immediately buried their heads into their hands, and when they eventually emerged, their cringing, red faces and then anger told the Italian exactly what they felt.

 

Still, at least he wasn’t the only clown on display. He had good company in Alan Wiley who among his many mistakes, somehow missed Maschareno hacking down Boa Morte. So incensed was the rejuvenated winger that he ran down the other end of the pitch and dragged down Gerrard in the box to give the Scousers a penalty. Green duly saved, as he so often does (make a note Capello) but sadly the ball rebounded to you know who and he knocked it in.

 

The second half saw much of the same and a third went in as Green once again saved magnificently only for the ball to fall to Babel. With other results conspiring against us, it looks as though they’ve only gone and done it again. Europe off the menu down to the hands of Liverpool. We need maximum points from our last two games to have any chance.

 

Right where’s our next game? Everton. Where do Everton hail from? Liver’poxy’pool

 

Stoke 0 West Ham 1

Hello. Have you ever been to a Harvester before? Chances are if you’re an away fan visiting the Britannia Stadium you will have as there’s nowhere else within the vicinity to enjoy a pre-match beer.

 

Saturday we not only helped ourselves to the salad cart, but also to three points as we dished out an antidote to Stoke’s anti football. I said after the home game earlier this season, that watching them is akin to watching Wimbledon in the 80's. Nothing they produced did anything to dispel the fact.

 

Their home record is quite impressive and it’s easy to see why. A lot of teams wilting in the face of relentless route one, continued physical battering and dubious tactics. Certain footballers being the precious little soldiers they are, won’t like it up ‘em Captain Mainwearing.

 

We withstood the aforementioned bombardment, and a deluge of plant matter which played havoc with my hay fever, with some aplomb. Playing our way neatly out of trouble when needed, counter attacking nicely and defending efficiently.

 

The entire back line came out of the game with credit. Robert Green while not being exceptionally busy in terms of shot stopping, dealt with the aerial and physical bombardment, Neil played one of his best games for us. Almost as if his new contract depended on it. Ilunga was once again solid, Upson resolute. But for me, young James Tomkins was the pick. A year since his first appearances and the difference is there for all to see. Stronger, tougher and positionally more aware. This lad is awesome.

 

Our goal came unusually from a free kick. We seem to struggle with these, but the one Tristan scored with was an absolute belter. Hit with power and precision. The Spaniard had a much improved game. The glimpses of class we saw last week we’re there again and the fitness is on the up. He was unlucky near the end not to add a second, after cleverly lifting the ball over the onrushing keeper.

 

Games like this are meant to try us and we came through it with flying colours. A few questions have to be asked after this though. Where was Savio? Where was Dyer? Alright he’s probably injured. Why did Liam Lawrence learn to dive? Do Stoke nick their towels from their hotel stays on away games? Since when do referees allow players to kick each other in the groin and let them off with just a caution?

 

Who knows? But it all contributed to an enjoyable day out watching the footballing equivalent of Star Wars. A battle of good versus evil, where the good guys triumph.

 

 

West Ham 0 Chelsea 1

Sadly this came to an all too predictable conclusion. The most disappointing thing however was that we came damm close to getting a point, despite a lacklustre and error strewn performance.

 

Nobles missed penalty is the most glaring spurned opportunity, but both Keiron Dyer and Diego Tristan also came close. But at the end of the day we lacked the ability to hurt them and our passing was not up to scratch. I could bang the same drum about missing players etc. but it’s annoying me now, let alone anyone else who reads this.

 

There was a strange atmosphere around the ground. The girls outside promoting Danny Dyer’s latest DVD seemed to have distracted many. Inside the ground an air of inevitability about not picking up a point seemed to hang over everyone. We we’re quiet, the visiting tourists/fans we’re quiet. For a London derby everything seemed flat.

 

In the aftermath of the game much has been made of the stick messers Lampard and Terry. I struggle to think how they would have coped in times gone by when real stick was dished out. Lampard left the club in the wrong manner, and has never once thought to maintain a dignified silence whenever we’re mentioned to him. Instead petty little digs and then the ‘they don’t bother me’ lies come out.

 

Terry. Well. A chequered past off the pitch, a belligerent attitude on it. He sets himself up really doesn’t he? And that’s without the assists from members of his family. His ‘you can’t buy that’ quote after the game couldn’t have been more poorly chosen.

 

I’m not condoning the more vitriolic outbursts of the minority, but the more vocal so called abuse, allegedly dished out, was nothing compared to what I’ve witnessed at grounds up and down the country. Footballers nowadays. Ain’t they precious?

 

Anyway. We never forced Chelsea out of second gear, they never looked like they wanted to be out of it. The goal when it came was soft and avoidable. Even when we got the penalty I kind of knew Noble would miss. Not that I don’t have confidence in him, but it was just one of those days.

 

Plusses to take from the game? Well. Tomkins and Stanislas enhancing their stock. Boa Morte’s continued improvement and the crowd’s reaction to it. Dyer getting more valuable game time and not picking up an injury. Green proving once again he’s the best English keeper out there and last but not least Diego Tristan. Much maligned, but showed exactly why he was so good at one point. Well in fleeting moments. Very fleeting actually.

Aston Villa 1 West Ham 1

Great game and a good point. Patched up West Ham against stuttering Villa. They’ll feel aggrieved at not getting a win while we feel aggrieved about…. well nothing really.

 

Despite a couple of sloppy moments, there was once again much pleasure to be taken from this performance. I don’t mean to bang on about the patched up side we’re putting out, but the performances given by a team missing so many key players has been, last week apart, mightily impressive.

 

Saturday saw the continued renaissance of Luis Boa Morte, Mark Noble (I’ll ignore that backpass) look every inch a class act and the increasing reputations of youngsters Stanislas and Tomkins grow. Even a certain expensive signing from Newcastle, who whenever I mention his name gets injured, came on got a lengthy run out and looked classy.

 

At times Villa dominated, most notably after we conceded and at the start of the second half, but we weathered the storm on both occasions and came back at them. The slick passing game Zola is implementing was evident on numerous occasions. Franco likes to mean ‘his project’ at any given opportunity, but if he keep can the lesser and some would some say superfluous parts of the ‘project’ playing in this manner then should a miracle occur and we keep the key elements fit then who knows how successful and entertaining we would become.

 

Once again our deficiencies in attack cost us. It came as a real shock to see Tristan bag not only the equalizer but also when I had the opportunity to see the goal again, realise that it was a piece of supreme reaction that notched it. That from a player who up until that point looked completely uninterested, wasteful and ponderous.

 

Five games to go. We’ve got a much tougher run in than our rivals for that 7^th place. We’ve got far greater problems in terms of selection. Can we hang on? Will we have any players left by the end of the season? More importantly will we have stopped laughing at the jumped up tactics and delusions at White Hart Lane?

 

 

Tottenham 1 West Ham 0

Well that just confirmed what we thought, we can defend with the best of them, but not having someone up front who can hurt teams is going to cost us. The fact that this time the defeat comes against a team we all hate, managed by one of the most loathsome men in football just adds to the misery.

 

Once again our patched up side did an adequate and admirable job, but the difference between the two sides was ultimately that our on loan 33 year old misfit striker didn’t take his chance, whilst their £14m reserve did. It was a thin margin, but proved decisive.

 

To take positives, despite the absence of an unhealthy number of first team players, we didn’t look second best. We attempted to counter attack and play neat football, but we’re let down by our enigmatic front pairing. Noble and Boa Morte had very good games for us, the much maligned latter enjoying what is seen to be a last chance and doing enough to earn positive recognition from the travelling support.

 

Sadly though, the effort wasn’t enough to take a point from our trip to one of the least pleasant parts of  London. Now our efforts to qualify for Erope are left in the balance and with three out of the top five still to play. We look so threadbare up front that it seems increasingly unlikely.

 

Then of course there is the question of whether or not our squad would cope with the excesses of European football in its bloated form. As appealing as a few jolly ups around the continent seem to the fan on the street, we’ve seen the damaging effect they’ve had on teams.

 

As it stands we’d need improvement and investment in numerous areas and with the future of our current owners uncertain, if that would happen is equally unclear. We do have a core of talented youngsters coming through to augment the squad. We have a managerial team we have faith in. Combine it with a bit of cash wisely spent then it could be a viable concern, but perhaps we’d be better off waiting a season.

 

Personally I could do with a trip to Belgium to stock up on some beers.

West Ham 2 Sunderland 0

Pre-match there was an air of inevitability that we’d lose. Not because Sunderland are in any way better than us, or even in any kind of form. Just because we’re so short on numbers and have a history of shooting ourselves in the foot when European football beckons.

 

But bloody hell, we did it. Even more pleasing was that the goals came from two of the more recent academy graduates.

 

Looking at the line up you wondered whether Franco had called it right. Boa Morte on the right hand side, while Stanislas was on the left. Neil playing the holding role in midfield while Spector was at right back. But what do I know? Neil had a great game, Boa Morte banished a few demons with a good performance, Stanislas looked bright and breezy, while Spector was solid before departing with the latest in a long line of nasty looking injuries.

 

It wasn’t a classic game by any stretch of the imagination, but with pretty much a scratch side to come through with all three points was fantastic all things considered. Let me re-iterate here. We we’re missing, with the exception of Noble our entire first choice midfield and strike force and yet still came through.

 

Our current forward line of Di Michele and Tristan has seen better days. The Italian can be mostly infuriating, but still manages to produce enough quality to pose questions of opposing defences. Tristan is still a shadow of the player who played for Coruna, but his fitness is improving, as is his confidence. Saturday was his best showing yet and though neither of the two would be seen as first choice, they’re doing commendable jobs in the circumstances.

 

I’ve given Lucas Neil plenty of grief over the last two seasons. But in the last few games he has stepped up to the plate and produced the goods, and in different positions. Likewise Luis Boa Morte, much maligned and ridiculed, took the opportunity to prove to us that perhaps he does have a future here.

 

Since Christmas we’ve lost players due to injury on a regular basis and seen some depart the club for pastures new. Yet we’ve managed to pick up points on a consistent basis and managed to haul ourselves into a very good position. The lesser lights and the youngsters are getting opportunities and are proving their worth.

 

Whether we do finish up qualifying for Europe or not I think we can all take heart from what’s going on at the moment. We have a management team looking to play the game in the manner we want to see, players capable of learning, evolving and rising to the challenges set before them. Its good times, long may they continue.

 

 

 

 

 

Blackburn 1 West Ham 1

 

To come away from that with a point was a relief. We we’re battered for large portions of the game and have a lot to thank Lucas Neil and James Tomkins for.

 

Seeing the starting line up didn’t fill me with much confidence, at a ground where historically we suffer and against a manager who also tends to get the upper hand over us.

 

As much as Blackburn tried to batter us, Neil and Tomkins stood firm. The skipper starting at centre half threw himself in front of countless efforts whilst the youngster stood up to what was possibly the biggest physical test he has encountered, and came away with his head held high.

 

We looked to hit them on the counter attack. When we got a somewhat unexpected goal, it was a real gem. Noble broke forward, and following a neat interchange of passes with Boa Morte and Tristan, put the ball away with a sublime finish. For those who may be shaking their head in disbelief. Yes, Boa Morte and Tristan we’re involved in a neat interchange of passes.

 

 

Following this though, it was close your eyes and pray time until the last 10 minutes. Wave after wave of continued pressure, which somehow we held at bay.

 

The introduction of the lesser spotted Keiron Dyer provided a bit of an outlet for us. He looked lively, dare I say it fit and should have earned us a penalty for an unlikely win. Fortunately for Samba, his shirt tugging exploits went unnoticed by the officials, or more likely the baulked at pulling him up for it. He’s a big old unit that boy.

 

It wasn’t pretty, it was pretty much backs to the wall, defend at all costs, but it’s a point gained. Considering the personnel we we’re missing it’s a point that can’t be sneered at.

 

Going through a tricky patch and remaining unbeaten for four league games isn’t bad at all. The international break is coming at a good time for us, giving us time to regroup and injuries to heal.Europe still remains a distinct possibility.

West Ham 0 West Brom 0

I’ve developed a dislike of West Brom. As a kid watching the likes of Regis and Cunningham was pretty impressive but since then, in approximately 30 years of football all they’ve offered us in terms of the beautiful game have been Adrian Chiles and Frank Skinner. I’m sorry but it’s not good enough.

The peak of my contempt for them was sealed just over 5 years ago. What gives an away side the right to turn over a three goal deficit and walk away with maximum points?

 

So I entered this game with trepidation. What with us missing key players, them needing to scrap for points and the fact Monday night games aren’t either natural or historically exciting I knew things wouldn’t be right.

 

My fears we’re spot on. We looked complacent and sloppy throughout. Lost Upson to injury, nearly lost Green and the powder-puff girls up front struggled to make any impact. In the end we we’re fortunate to come away with a point, the visitors being defied by Green and the woodwork.

If Setanta wanted to boost possible subscriptions up they would have been better off buying the rights to the next series of Come Dine With Me rather than showing this.

 

Still, to try and take positives from this. Tomkins looked solid at the back, Savio got a start, even though he was pretty poor and another youngster got an outing. Junior Stanislas came on and looked somewhat unusually for a West Ham player, able to cross a ball.

 

I also make it a third clean sheet in a row, a third consecutive game picking up a serious looking injury to a key player and the first game ever when the arrival of Luis Boa Morte was greeted with enthusiasm, albeit sarcastic.

 

Yep this game was shockingly tedious, capping off a somewhat poor day when we have been forced to cough up to Sheffield United for the incompetence of the FA.

 

So, off now to Ewood Park. Patched up, full of youngsters ready to take on that bastion of silky, not over physical football Sam Allardyce. God help us.