DIRTY RATS SHAME FOOTBALL
Hleb, Ronaldo and Lampard are motivated by greed
DISTURBING news that the knife crime epidemic has reached leafy Hampstead Heath. Why, only the other day, somebody used the wrong blade to carve up their fish course.
No wonder London life has become way, way too much for Alexander Hleb. No wonder he wants to flee his multi-million pound hell-hole in that anarchic suburb of North London.
"I can't get used to the chaotic way, where everyone is racing around 24 hours a day. It is uncomfortable and I'm mentally tired," he says.
Your heart bleeds for him.
Because we've all seen poor, little, frail Alex, stretching to try and strap-hang on the sweat-drenched cattle-trucks that pass for public transport in the capital.
We've all glanced pitifully at the brittle Belarussian as he dodges manic cabbies, nuisance beggars and feral youths on the city's mean streets.
Massage
And we've all felt pangs of guilt when this sensitive soul has to sleep on the floor of Terminal Five while his meagre belongings jet off to a destination unknown.
And to think one or two deluded souls thought he only lifted himself out of bed at nine, climbed into a £100,000 car and drove behind tinted windows to the greenest of hideaways in rural Hertfordshire.
And to think one or two deluded souls thought he jogged around for a couple of hours while his motor was being valeted, had lunch provided for him by a top chef and then knocked off work.
And to think one or two deluded souls thought he cruised back to the Heath, took a massage, sipped a latte with fellow millionaires and thought about how to spend his fifty grand a week.
And to think one or two deluded souls thought he turned up for a match, fell over a few times and then - if he fancied nipping abroad - hopped on to a private jet.
Where could you possibly have got those ideas from?
No, Alexander is merely another stressed-out victim of the London rat-race.
With the emphasis on rat.
"All this is what I honestly told Wenger," he said.
Oh, and by the way.
"I also made no secret that some leading European clubs were interested in me."
Well, compassionate man that he is, Arsene should do nothing else but allow you to go to a place where your every move is not scrutinised by a voracious media, where football is not an all-consuming passion, where anonymity is guaranteed.
Trivial
Somewhere like the metropolis that is Barcelona.
If it wasn't so nauseating, it would be hilarious.
Yet what is more disturbing is that Hleb's pathetic mutterings were rendered almost trivial in a week when football said an official farewell to reality.
Sepp Blatter, we learn, stands squarely behind the likes of Hleb.
His slavery comments have already been given the kicking they thoroughly deserve.
But before leaving them behind with only contempt for company, I wondered whether Blatter has ever seen a professional footballer's terms of enslavement.
I have.
And here are the bullet points of a mediocre Premier League player's contract.
*£50,000 a week.
*£10,000 per first-team start.
*£5,000 per substitute appearance.
*£2,500 per unused substitute appearance.
*£10,000 per goal.
*£100,000 on qualifying for Europe.
*£150,000 for winning the Premier League.
*£200,000 for winning the Champions League.
*£75,000 for winning the FA Cup.
*£50,000 for winning the Carling Cup.
*Six business class flights for him and family.
*Language lessons for him and family.
*Total relocation package. House, cars etc.
Slavery indeed.
But someone agrees with the bold Sepp.
Orgy
Cristiano Ronaldo. Who, you can rest assured, has never broken a manicured fingernail away from the football pitch.
For these players, everything is taken care of. When Ronaldo and his pals fancied a small orgy last year, the only surprise was they didn't get the club secretary to organise the fixture.
The Ronaldo saga has now reached a dismal point where there is probably only one person in England who gives a damn whether he stays or goes. And he is a Scot.
But we do give a damn about Frank Lampard - everything that we want a footballer to be. Honest, hard-working, compassionate, eloquent, unassuming.
Yet even Frank made the heart sink in this wretched week.
On Thursday, a bland paragraph on the front of The Times newspaper read: "The midfielder is frustrated that Chelsea has offered only a four-year contract worth £29million."
Need any more be added?
Let's be honest here. If Lampard was from Togo, Minsk or Madeira, we would be berating him from the rooftops.
That this model professional has allowed himself to be tarred with the same brush as Hleb, Ronaldo and Emmanuel Adebayor is a damning indictment of the direction the game is heading in.
Grossly unfairly, Lampard has often been labelled overweight.
But it's not Frank who is eating too much. It's football.
At a time when a lot of people are worried about feeding their families, football is eating itself.
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IT'S TATTOO MUCH, ROONEY
ENGLAND footballers. You don't know whether to watch them or read them.
If the next World Cup is decided on tattoos, we're a shoo-in.
Wayne Rooney's latest adornment is the legend 'Just Enough Education to Perform' - the title of an album by his favourite band The Stereophonics.
This is a group described by one music critic as 'lame, lumpen and undistinguished'. Fully qualified then to pen England's next official song.
Rooney's inkwork is also a dig at those who scoff at his less than distinguished acadamic record.
Fair enough.
But I doubt whether Fabio Capello will get the gag.
Because just enough education is clearly not enough for Rooney to realise that a summer sprinkled with Wendy's hamburgers, Las Vegas cocktails and Marlboro Lights is hardly likely to endear him to Mr Capello.
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KP LEADS THE WAY
WHY DO some people take an instant dislike to Kevin Pietersen? Because it saves time.
Pop star wife, bling, the strut and, after all, have you ever met a nice South African?
And you just have to be wary of anyone who likes to be called by their initials.
But I spent a couple of hours in KP's company ahead of the first Test at Lord's and, against your better judgement and instinct, you can't help but admire the bloke.
And if you don't believe him when he says that all that really matters is improving his game, upping his average, maximising his talent and winning cricket matches for England, then go watch him play.
Once again, it has taken an outsider to demonstrate that celebrity and hard graft are not mutually exclusive.
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TIPSY OJO SHOULD KNOW BETTER
HIS HONOUR Judge Jeff Blackett, the Rugby Union's Disciplinary Officer, produced an 11-page report into the activities of the Auckland Four.
As well as a £500 slap on the wrist of Tipsy - sorry, Topsy - Ojo, the learned judge suggested guidelines for future tours.
Players, he said, should be informed they cannot bring unknown guests back to team hotels, should be made aware of how many drinks they can have after a game and should have the limits of post-match entertainment outlined to them.
Well, I'm sorry.
But if a professional needs to be TOLD these things then he should be nowhere near an England shirt in the first place.
i have to say i don't always agree with ANDY DUNN but i couldn't agree more absolutly spot on couldn't have put it better infact i couldn't!
Posted by: ELIAS M | July 13, 2008 at 04:54 AM | Report this comment
Lampard is the worst as he pretended he wanted to spend the rest of his career at Chelsea. A greedy, two-faced, shirt-kissing hypocrite.
Posted by: bob | July 13, 2008 at 06:33 AM | Report this comment
Wasn't there another player involved in the incident with Topsy Ojo? Why have you singled him out? The Hleb piece was spot on.
Posted by: Alan | July 13, 2008 at 08:41 AM | Report this comment
If your services are in demand why not take advantage of the situation? after all who knows what will happen to them in a few months time in terms of their health? Go Ronny go.. Go Lamps Go..Go Hleb go..
Posted by: Hamza Mshabah | July 13, 2008 at 09:02 AM | Report this comment
The toothless FIFA body made a remark recently that gave me hope regarding overpaid players, but I've heard nothing since. It was suggested that clubs should only be able to use money generated by the clubs own efforts and not be able to use any cash from 'sugar daddys' This would surely help when demands for wages got out of hand and would benefit smaller clubs to the good of the game. Contracts signed by players must be made to stand, afterall, a contract is an agreement. If I tried to get out of my contract, i.e., mortgage or marriage, then there would be hell to pay with a great possibilty I wouldn't be entertained again.
Posted by: George Reid | July 13, 2008 at 09:08 AM | Report this comment
The way football is heading is just depressing.
Posted by: Ministry of Football | July 13, 2008 at 09:33 AM | Report this comment
Lampard is the worst. For two years he told chelsea he didnt want to discuss a new contract and then comes out and tells the media he's disappointed it hasnt been sorted out yet. Then the club support him through a difficult personal time and put him on the pitch in the champions league final when they should really have benched him, and he kisses the badge.
Now he wants to earn 140000 a week at the age of 35 when most players are being pensioned off to the championship - better players than him have lost their legs by 31 (Beckham for a start).
He is a greedy disgrace. For years England fans have been suspicious of whether tries for anything other than cash, well i think we have our answer.
Posted by: Andrew | July 13, 2008 at 09:37 AM | Report this comment
But what use is a goal bonus to Alex 'The Goal machine' Hleb?
Posted by: ian | July 13, 2008 at 09:43 AM | Report this comment
may be ronaldo and hleb, bt nt lampard if the reports of the 140,000 pounds a week he turned down at chelsea are correct
Posted by: hleb and ronaldo yes, but lampard no | July 13, 2008 at 09:56 AM | Report this comment
I think its disgusting that footballers talk of slavery they are vastly over priced if you ask me. they should join the real world!
Posted by: dawn bown | July 13, 2008 at 10:27 AM | Report this comment
Not sure about the Welsh Sterophonics writing a song for England. Spot on with the football comments though. Players need to be taught that the club comes first. Arsenal have been dragged through the papers for years with Henry/Barcelona, and now MU are facing the same issue with Ronaldo. If a player wants to go just let them. There is no honour left in the top echelons of football.
Posted by: dave lewis | July 13, 2008 at 10:42 AM | Report this comment
If they all want away for the money and they are under contact - fine . If they are under contact for more than a year and they were happy to sign those contracts , bung 'em all in the reserves and let them reaquaint themselves with the joys of the combination and sell 'em when the price is right for the club . The fans probably would not mind a bit as they only want players who are committed to their clubs anyway and they will all be there when these mercenaries depart to goodness knows where.
Posted by: bob | July 13, 2008 at 10:49 AM | Report this comment
Football Slavery!
Bring back Mr. Wilberforce. He must be turning summersaults in his grave.
Posted by: David | July 13, 2008 at 11:19 AM | Report this comment
I think that the slavery comments are an insult. Anyone involved with football don't know the meaning of the word labour let alone slavery. Money has destroyed the beautiful game. I put it down to the agents just as much as I do the players.
Posted by: Craig Randall | July 13, 2008 at 11:22 AM | Report this comment
It’s not just the players.
What about the Chelsea manager and Manchester United’s assistant coach, didn’t they both have signed contracts before jumping at big money moves.
Posted by: David | July 13, 2008 at 11:23 AM | Report this comment
Arsenal are the only top 4 club who have tried to keep players wages at a sensible level, and of all the money grabbers who left cant think of one who was a success. Not all footballers put money first before personal ambition, Fabregas being a good example. Beckham is another good example went to Real Madrid which was fine didnt work for him, so then goes to America to play Mickey Mouse football purely for money, should not play for England again!Lampard is the worst of the lot, £140k a week for 4 years not enough for the club he is meant to love, should be ashamed most of the people who pay to watch these money grabbers are going through really hard times right now but they probably dont even know what a mortgage is ?
Posted by: Steve (Dover) | July 13, 2008 at 11:57 AM | Report this comment
it amazes me considering where he comes from Belarus where his people are lucky to get food in their stomach.and the standard of living is like that of an African country it makes the mind boggle.Some people are never happy.
Posted by: michael campbell | July 13, 2008 at 12:15 PM | Report this comment
im an arsenal supporter and i cant say how happy i am that hleb has finally gone never liked him from the word go he was a ball hog who thought he could take on every player
Posted by: wolly | July 13, 2008 at 12:32 PM | Report this comment
You can't blame the players for the wages - it is down to the clubs. The likes of Arsenal should be applauded for trying to keep wages within a structure (Only a footballer would think £50,000 a week is derisory).The point about clubs only being allowed to spend amounts based on turnover is a good one - Chelsea's very own 'sugardaddy' is one of the reasons why wages have spiralled.
Posted by: Ian mac | July 13, 2008 at 12:41 PM | Report this comment
footballers get paid too much for doing diddly squat. more important jobs get paid too little such as nurses and teachers. we need to regulate the football industry and limit their pay, otherwise their greed will just feed more greed. if worse comes to worse, just ban the stupid game. then no more greedy footballers!
Posted by: ban football | July 13, 2008 at 12:51 PM | Report this comment
Wonder why Blatter used the word " slave " and not
" mercenary "? Surely the latter would have been more appropriate!! Lets face it a lot of modern day footballers fit this category. Anelka probably being
the best example of all. If he'd stayed at Arsenal
he would have become a great footballer, but money
seemed to be the most important thing in his life and look at him now, rubbish! He's only remembered
for the time he spent at Arsenal, and I'm not a supporter of the North London club.
Posted by: Dennis Hartoch | July 13, 2008 at 02:26 PM | Report this comment
Where does this myth about Arsenal's wage restraint come from? Based on the most recent figures they have the third largest wage bill in the league, almost identical to Chelsea's. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/7424134.stm
Posted by: Jimmy Newman | July 13, 2008 at 02:56 PM | Report this comment
Dear Dunn,
I dont know how to thank you..but well done sir.
all you have said about foot ball is the truth nothing else but the real truth.
Can someone let that old, misimformed blatter know that slaves were taken against their will,no pay, no contract,no massages etc.
I don't get surprised the way most footballers behave becouse,most of them are school dropouts.
to me joey burton is a saint compared to that silly old Blaff sorry blatter.
Posted by: mugabo michael | July 13, 2008 at 04:10 PM | Report this comment
Speaking of rats, let's not forget Flamini who will be enjoying the EUFA cup next year!
Arsenal need a midfielder who can run with the ball AND shoot, and in the second respect Hleb was (consistently) next to useless.
Fabregas, barely in his 20s and not known for his proflic strike rate was scoring more last year.
I remember hearing about how Hleb found it too noisy in London and recently "stressful and chaotic".
It's filth, it really is. It's an insult to Arsenal fans and it's a disgusting wart on the face of football.
The simple trend a player could discern: leave Arsenal and risk losing your career... in terms of football.
Sadly, the terms are not whether you enjoy the FOOTBALL you play and desire to COMPETE and win against the other top clubs in the top competitions(as if that isn't enough!), but of accumulation and greed.
And Blatter is not helping, what an utter turnip he is.
Posted by: Andrew | July 13, 2008 at 04:52 PM | Report this comment
howdare you say that ronaldo is a rat
Posted by: connor allen | July 13, 2008 at 05:26 PM | Report this comment