What Happens in Vegas

By Robbie Collin

CAMERON Diaz has, like, this total douchebag ex-boyfriend, OK?

And Ashton Kutcher, who's like this dreamy carpenter, loses his job because he's way cool and fun and stuff.

And they both go to Las Vegas to get over it, and then—OMG—they meet and get soooo drunk, and get married and then totally win $3 million on a slot machine.

And then they want to divorce and split the money, but the judge like totally forces them to live together for six months.

And then they move into Ashton's flat and they argue all the time and totally start falling in love, and then...

Oh dear sweet mercy, I totally think I'm going to kill myself.

And THAT, dear readers, is What Happens In Vegas — a film so dumb it's impossible to describe without sounding like a teenager chuntering away on Bebo.

It's not completely awful — Ashton, Cam and Lake Bell make up a very fit cast.

If that sounds like enough to make you happy, then by all means, knock yourself out.

And by that I literally mean, knock yourself out.