Three and Out

By Robbie Collin

A MIXED bag, is British comedy Three And Out.

You do get Bond girl Gemma Arterton whapping out her ding-dangs. And although that's one hell of a carrot, lads, bear in mind it happens while she's straddling Gareth from The Office.

We know Britain produces decent comedy films like the Shenzhen sweatshops produce quality menswear. Three And Out's a reminder of that.

Tube driver Paul Callow (Mackenzie Crook) aims to run over three people so he can get a tidy redundancy package and write a novel. But the film's really about a tramp (Colm Meaney) who Paul convinces to jump in front of his train .

Crook says he was attracted to the part because "it wasn't Gareth from The Office". He got that right. It's neither a) well-written, or b) funny.

If you do throw good sense to the wind and see it, look out for the Kerry Katona cameo. At nearly two hours, you're gonna need a toilet break.