The Eye

By Robbie Collin

HERE'S an easy way to remember which of Jessica Alba's films feature some contrived nudity.

"If the script fails to impress, Jess appears without her dress. If the plot is tired and drab, expect a cheeky glance of wab. And if the acting makes you weep, a tiny glimpse of nork you'll peep."

In other words, she's done it in all of 'em. (Only side-on, mind—she's a classy bird.) But The Eye, a remake of the 2002 Hong Kong horror film of the same name, doesn't feature such a moment.

Possibly because, against Kilimanjaro-sized odds, it's actually all right. Jessica plays Sydney Wells, a blind violinist who gets her sight back thanks to an eye transplant.

But her new eyes once belonged to a Mexican girl. Who could...wait for it, "see dead people". (Where DO they get these ideas from?) Thanks to something called cellular memory - €”the theory that someone's traits are stored in their body's cells - Sydney inherits the gift.

The science is glossed over. But we're told it's all down to peptides. (And I thought they just got rid of wrinkles.)

As a film reviewer, I'm contractually obliged to moan about Hollywood doing cack remakes of decent foreign movies.

But the original Eye wasn't particularly great. And, for a bad film, this is pretty good. Yes it's hammy, totally humourless, and Jess has all the screen presence of a standard lamp (switched on, mind).

But it delivers some decent scares. And a few scenes contain genuine shocks.

Particularly the one where Jess climbs out of the shower, and passes up a perfectly good chance to flash her boobs as she gets dressed.

Shocked? I was blimmin' astonished.