Okay,
folks, that’s me done.
Thanks for reading, and thanks for all the comments. We don’t all agree with each other, but it wouldn’t be much of a show if we did, would it?
Rachel’s gone back to Wales, and I can go and have a nice long, snooze. Hey, it’s September already. Where did the summer go?
Every series has its highs and lows, and a few moments that will be remembered long after the show has finished.
Often these scenes - Mario proposing to Lisa, Mikey being hit by a ball, Luke and Bex kissing - may have been sad or funny, they didn't actually make all that much of a difference as to the final result.
So here are my ten key moments made both by housemates, and by the producers, that may not have been all that memorable, but which I think made the difference.
Was this the best Big Brother ever?
I used to think it was BB5, even though Nadia won, and I never took to her at all. For me, she was all gimmick and not much personality. A bit better than Kat, and at least she never backed away from a confrontation, but I never actually liked her. And I particularly resented the way Davina and co were clearly backing her all the way.
But that didn't stop me enjoying it.
I'm still excited.
Even some of the crowd booing her, even Davina asking her on BBBM whether she was going to share the money, neither of these could spoil it for me. Rachel won, and she thoroughly deserved it. Bad editing, persecution from Rex, backstabbing from Luke - none of these could detract from this year's winner. in some respects they helped her.
And, 'member I told you, I picked her on launch night! How cool is that?
Oh my Gosh!
She did it! And we did it! Justice was served. The lassy from the valleys took the BB9 crown from the cranky Scotsman with a 51.3% margin. Close, but that'll do it. A hundred grand to the Welsh girl. And why not?
Who deserved it more, exactly?
Rachel versus Mikey!
I didn't expect that. Mikey Magoo versus the Welsh bubblebutt. And there's an hour left to vote.
Darnell, predictably came fifth, Rex fourth, and Sara third. But Darnell secured 14.9 % of the vote, which is outstanding for the one coming fifth. Mo and Kat got less than 7% between them, remember. But the shock, and there's always one on final night, dare I say it, anticlimax, is Rex coming fourth.
Thirteen weeks down, thirteen hours left.
Sixteen housemates gone, five housemates left. I think we can safely assume that Darnell is a dead man walking, and will be the first to be ejected at about twenty past eight.
But the surviving four are still all in with a shout. I think that's how it should be, too. I wouldn't mind any of them winning, really, but Darnell deserves it least because he wants it too much.
Mikey's still the favourite.
Mario said he wanted him to win, and so did Lisa. So did Stuart, and those two hardly got on at all. In fact, Mikey spent a lot of time slagging Stuart off for even being there. And Sara agreed.
When she told Darnell that Mikey should win, he immediately did that thing that people do on Big Brother that they never do in real life: he dashed off to Mikey to explain himself.
Now, in the cold light of day, the question must finally be asked: Can Sara win?
I'd never really considered it before. I've written "Can XXXX Win?" posts for all the surviving housemates. I also wrote them for Dale, Stuart, Mo and quite a few others. I wrote a "Will Kat Win?" post when she was the red hot favourite and the prize was hers for the taking.
But I never wrote a "Can Sara Win? "post.
Kat took that well, didn't she?
Mo had more reason to be upset, really, all things considered. He was dumped by the public with a fairly minuscule 1.8 %, whereas Kat managed 4.8% But at least Kat had a bit more time to prepare for it. Not to dress for it, but once they knew there was a crowd out there, she must have half-expected it.
But the tears! It was as though someone had died in there.
After watching last night's highlights I'm now keener than ever for Kat to leave tonight.
She's thrown one tantrum too many. Darnell was entirely innocent. He spent almost an hour in the diary room afterwards. While he was in there, Mo warned her to leave him alone. As soon as he comes out she goes up to him to talk.
How much more insensitive and attention-seeking could she be?
Last night Kat and Darnell had a blazing row which ended with Darnell storming off to the diary room.
The rest of them speculated that he was once again threatening to leave, but he eventually returned. It's been bubbling away, this anti-Kat feeling, so it wasn't the incident itself which sparked it.
What seems to have happened is that they had all been talking about who they would evict if they had a choice, and Darnell said, between Rachel and Kat, it would be Kat.
I hate to disagree with our esteemed TV critic Ian Hyland, but the brute fact is he is WRONG.
Ian's written his prediction of who's going to win, and the order in which they come. Let's start at the bottom first.
In seventh place, he says it will be Rex. Sorry, Ian. That is never going to happen. First, Mohamed, who Ian thinks will come fourth, is going to be the first one out of the hatch come Tuesday night. That is the one thing I would stake my house on.
It was close, but no cigar.
Fifteen minutes before lines closes it was fifty-fifty, but there was then a minor surge for Sara, making it 52.6% against Lisa, which just goes to show how much editing affects a vote.
Lisa barely featured, whereas most of last night’s highlights were about the “bullying” of Sara. I put the inverted commas in, because I actually thought, if anyone, it was Rex being bullied last night. I mean, he’s called into the diary room to be reminded that his behaviour is being “closely monitored”.
Yesterday Darnell packed his bags and had visited the diary room twice by lunchtime wanting to quit.
His second visit lasted two hours. Unsurprisingly, BB talked him out of it. They need a bad guy there for the final week. They've still got Rex, of course, but Darnell's recent collapse has given them an unexpected second.
I actually find Darnell's behaviour painful to watch. I know he's been rude, and horrible, and unkind and incredibly self-centred, but he is by far the unhappiest housemate we have seen this series.
I am a complete and utter genius.
I looked into my crystal ball yesterday, said it was Sara and Lisa, and guess what, I was right!
And for my next trick... Well, actually, it wasn't exactly rocket science, brain surgery, or even being an executive chef. Sara and Lisa were bound to be the twosome facing eviction, though both Rex and Rachel came close to joining them.
So this is how it works tonight.
First show at nine is the usual highlights, but it's the eleven show where it happens. Everyone has to nominate, face to face, live. The two most unpopular will then face the public vote on Friday.
However, and I quote from a press release, "in a Big Brother twist the two housemates who will face this Friday's public eviction will play a game of jeopardy, head to head, for the chance to win a jackpot of £50,000. The winner's prize of £100,000 remains".
Yesterday they voted, not for nominations, but for a new Head of House.
They chose Mo. Which means he's immune from Friday's eviction, and makes the final week. Of course, it doesn't mean he actually makes the final, as there is next Tuesday's double eviction to come, but it's a helping hand.
He could do with it too. As the rank outsider right now, at fifty to one, he needs all the help he can get.
It was a day that no one who saw it will ever forget.
A bit like the Kennedy assassination, Johnny Wilkinson kicking the ball through the uprights to win the Rugby World Cup, and Pauline keeling over in Eastenders, everyone will remember then moment that Mario proposed to Lisa, and will one day be proud to tell their grandchildren how they felt, because they were there.
Well, anyone who watches Big Brother, anyway.
We are now into the final fortnight.
Eight housemates left. But there can only be one winner. I think it must be Rachel. And, as Barry Norman probably never said, why not?
The biggest critique of her is that she is an actress. She can't really be this nice. No one can be this helpful, kind to animals, doesn't swear, and is just generally sweetness personified.
Nicole has gone to an Olympic-record shattering 94.04% majority.
Robert Mugabe must be envious. Who were the 5.96% though? Why did they bother to pick up the phone? The crowd booed and booed, and Rex listened without a care in the world. After she'd gone he said he was pleased.
I admire his resilience, anyway. Rex keeps taking the punches, but keeps getting back in the ring.
According to the Sun, the Great Facilitator Mario is going to re-enter the house on Sunday to propose to Lisa.
Whether we see it live or not is not clear. It seems it will be a one night stand, rather than full re-introduction. Presumably Lisa will say yes. She'll have to, won't she?
The legend continues, the story goes on.
I've only just started to realise that I actually quite like the flirty Australian chick.
It's taken a while for me really. I think that's because she seemed so relatively normal. Game, fun, doesn't take herself too seriously. Why would I notice someone like that compared to all the freaks?
I know a lot of people don't like all that flirting, but I never felt she was doing it too seriously, or as part of "the game". I just thought it was pretty harmless.
She can smile if she wants to.
So NomCam was pretty on the money. The three girls are up against each other, and all three of them had the nerve to nominate our Rachel. You could call it Rachel's Revenge. Underestimate the Welsh lassie at your peril, I'd say.
Anyway, provided she doesn't actually walk, it's laughing girl for the chop, and laughing girl who may actually eclipse Sezer's 91.6% record.
The Sun, unusually, doesn't have the scoop on who has been nominated.
The last time this happened was the week Bex was evicted, when there were all sorts of rumours that BB were trying to fix things to keep her in. The standard way of doing this is to let everyone nominate, tot up the scores, and if they don't add up the way BB likes it, punish someone for "discussing nominations" by withdrawing their nominations.
Brutally corrupt, but we've had this before.
Another night, and another row between our tortured lovebirds.
Nicole knows stuff about Rex, but she ain't saying. She's stood by him, but he doesn't understand. And nobody else in the house likes her. He makes her feel terrible about herself and regrets even going in.
So what's new?
Yesterday I predicted that Lisa would win the task.
As usual, I got that totally wrong. The task was to paint their bodies and act like statues. Lisa was the Statue of Liberty, Mo was the Thinker, and Rex and Nicole were the Kiss. Whoever held the pose the longest won.
It finally came down to Mo v Rex, and Rex won. Mo stormed off, shouting "fix" and saying he'd seen Rex move. He might be right.
Stuart wanted to go, and 59% of the voters let him have his wish.
Which means, for all you non-mathematicians out there, that 41% wanted Rachel to go. I wonder how it would have gone if he hadn't kept moaning. He might have been a player.
As it is, Stu got what he wanted. But he left spectacularly, didn't he? Moral of the story: don't crowd surf unless you are a thrash metal singer. I hope it didn't hurt too much.
Tonight it's the Big One.
Or at any rate, the latest Big One. Rachel versus Stuart. Everyone except NicoRex in the house think it'll be close.
Rachel can't be hated because she's so nice, whereas Stuart is a hunk who all the girlie voters will like. NicoRex, however, aren't so convinced about her niceness.
Or at least, that's what he told Kat last night.
Coming from anyone else, I think we'd take this with a pinch of salt. But Mo isn't an attention-seeking self-pitying guy like Stuart, who quite frankly wouldn't leave the BB house even if it was on fire, so I think it's worth taking a bit more seriously.
He's had a grim time of it more or less since he got there, and I think Nicole's entry was the final straw.
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