It's a Rat Trap, Billi

And you've been caught!

They didn't show Billi's midnight dip after all, but the plank still walked the plank. Davina said the housemates were "shocked". Didn't look like it to me. On the contrary, they all looked positively elated. Even his special new friend Charley was running around with a smile on her face.

I don't think I've ever seen a housemate who was so disliked by his fellows. Well, not since Jackie Stallone, anyway.

55% of the public wanted him out. And now we're stuck with Tracey smoking in the garden and Carole washing everyone's smalls for at least another week. Nice.

He gave a good solid interview, though. Yes, he was cocky and arrogant, but he didn't hold back. Still, he sort of deserved it. Usually the HMs have a pretty good idea of who nominated him. But Seany last week, and Billi this week, had no idea. He was especially choked about Sam and Liam.

So, three evictions: Shabnam, Seany, and Billi. What unites them? All three lacked a little self-awareness. Self-conscious yes, but not much self-criticism. Must be a moral in there somewhere.

Billi Take A Walk

Last night he jumped fully-clothed into the pool, which is the sure sign of a desperate man. Girls up for eviction either run around the garden naked or pretend to have sex with one of the blokes. Neither would get Billi too many votes, so he played the only card left. Davina will probably show it just as time expires tonight.

I'm tearing my hair out here. Even Endemol seem to be having second thoughts, as he is dominating the highlights show now. Of course, Carole and Tracey hardly make any contribution, so there's not much they can show. But even so, it is a huge shame he's going tonight.

Still, miracles do happen. His odds are lengthening, and Tracey's are shortening, but surely not by enough.

In other news: Jonathan and Ziggy are still there in spite of all their threats to go. I quite enjoyed all that stuff from Jonathan about his "journey", and how he realised he had spent all his left craving attention, and he'd still do it even if he won. So now he knows it, he doesn't need to. Very Buddhist. It would be even more impressive if he had actually left, though.

And what's with all the stupidity? Was Samanda calling themselves "psychopathic", rather than "telepathic" rip-roaringly hilarious? Did you split your sides? Same with Brian. Apparently he got a C in his GCSE English, which means he would have studied Shakespeare. And now, for the second time, he's saying he can't believe girls poo.

You'd have to be really thick to think that being thick was a good idea, wouldn't you?

Jonathan - Should I Stay or Should I go?

The guy can't make up his mind. At half past one he packed his bags and went to the diary room. Then he came out, unpacked, and carried on, telling Charley he'd been "reassured". How weird is that?

Mind you, it's only a matter of time. He's surely one of the most intelligent housemates ever, but the price for being clever is that the boredom eventually gets to you. And the fact that he's so wealthy, and successful in his career gave him something none of the others have ever had. He hasn't really had to try.

Even his being in there is a bit of a mystery. I've mentioned it before about how he got in via a contest in a magazine, but here's a link to a story that is even more strange, written by the man who ran it, explaining how he was in Jonathan's house the day he got the call:

"I was sitting in Jonathon’s living room last week having just polished off a bottle of Jack Daniels between the two of us when the phone rang and he got the call from Endemol saying that he would be going into the BB house on Friday.

The first thing that I said to him was “are you sure?” followed by “you better go and buy some new underwear as 8 million people will be watching you in it on Saturday morning!”

When I ran the competition in Mediaweek some months back offering ten lucky media types the chance to go through to a final audition on BB I never imagined I’d be seeing Jonathon on the show, however when you read his application form that he sent in to me ( and he did not get any special treatment as a mate- he had to go through the same process as everyone else who wrote in to me!) it’s probably not surprising that they wanted him on the show.

However what is surprising is that he wanted to go on the show, especially when he has not watch this series, had no idea who was in the house, hadn’t really watched BB in the past, even though he had sponsored it through New PHD a couple of times!, and that he was supposed to be getting married- which he still is!"

Billi No Mates

Things are not looking good for Billi the Kid. 50-1 on with Paddypower, as I write.

According to his myspace account he has 1777 friends. Well every single one of them is going to have to be speed-dialing Tracey if he has any chance. But he hasn't. If only it were Vote To Save. Or maybe Carole will leave, making it a two-way. She's been threatening to, as has Jonathan, as has Charley. I'll believe it when I see it, though.

It's a big shame. I don't quite see why he hates Charley so much. I mean, "She needs a muzzle" is harsh.  He has only been there for two weeks, and it doesn't seem that she hates him more than she hates anybody else. It's not even like she's been picking on him.

Maybe he's incredibly attracted to her.

I'd still like to see how this one pans out. Maybe they could end up as the next Big Brother wedding.

Still, as wannabe walker Jonathan said: "When midgets play with giants they get squashed". In this case Billi's the midget, and Charley, with a little help from Big Brother, is the giant.

Big Brotherly Love

They all go wrong, don't they? Tom and Claire from BB1, Paul and Helen from BB2, Sophie and Lee from BB3, Stuart and Michelle from BB5, Maxwell and Saskia from BB6, Pete and Nikki from BB7. And now the CBB4 superstars Preston and Chantelle split up after only 10 months.

Love blossoms in the BB house. But once outside it dies like a wilting flower.

So what's going on? Is this a sad reflection on Love in the 21st Century?

I think it's the intensity of it all. It's like going on a hundred dates all in a week. There's no escape from each other, no taking her home to meet the parents, no holding hands at the back of a cinema. These people don't trust each other anyway, and then all of a sudden they find someone they like! But once it's over it slowly dawns. They never had that much in common, after all!

I mean, take this Ziggy/Chanelle thing. How long do you give that? Three months? Six? A year? It won't last much longer than that I wouldn't have thought. Still, some people disagree. Take a look at this website: Zinelle.co.uk. Imagine writing that. Still, they link to us, so it's only fair to mention them.

At least, for all you romantics out there, Grace and Mikey are still together, anyway.

The End of an Era

Ordinary Boys star Preston and Big Brother winner Chantelle have split after 10 months of marriage, the couple said in a statement today.

"After much soul-searching and tearful discussions we have sadly decided to end our marriage," they said.

"We hope we can always remain friends and still love each other but we both think we put so much pressure on one another to make our marriage work that it has ended up destroying our relationship. No one else is involved in our decision."

Billi versus Carole versus Tracey

It's official, and it looks like it's going to be a landslide of Sezer-like proportions. I think it's a bit of a shame, really. If Carole were to go then I don't think it would alter the balance of the house, and if Tracey went I don't think even she'd notice. But Billi the Kid has been ruffling feathers for a fortnight and it would be nice to see him survive for another week of mayhem.

He picked up eight nominations, reduced to seven with Charley's being discarded, which is no mean achievement. He may think he's a Nasty Nick-like stirrer, but Nick was never nominated by anybody. And it takes some doing to get nominated by both Ziggy and Chanelle. He needed them on his side. Couldn't he see that?

BB is up to its fiendish little tricks as always. We'll get a clearer picture from the highlights tonight, but everyone now knows that Billi nominated Charley and Nicky. How will they be able to protect Charley next week? Put everyone up except her? They did that last year with Jayne. I can't see them having the nerve to do that two years running. Or maybe they'll punish everyone for discussing nominations and have a vote to save.

But it's hardly fair, is it? A few weeks' back Ziggy and Emily discussed nominations and the punishment was: Shabnam has her make-up confiscated. This week, Charley and Billi discuss nominations and the punishment is: their nominations are revoked.

Other things to note: Jonathan, having received five nominations last week, got none this week. He's done a lot of bridge-building in a week. And unless she does something cataclysmic in the next two days, Carole will have survived three evictions in a row. I wonder what the record is.

I Heard a Rumour

Tuesday afternoon wouldn't be complete without a story about who's up for eviction. Well here's mine. It's another threeway:

Billi versus Carole versus Tracey.

Apparently Billi's votes didn't count. Otherwise both Charley and Nicky would have been in there too.

But neither were Charley's!!

Any further developments - come back here.

7. 36 UPDATE: Yes, it's confirmed. And they told them, both about Billi and Charley being banned, and that if they hadn't been Charley and Nicky would also have been up. Watching the live feed Charley has gone off on one. I think she's discussing nominations again!

Billi, Don't be A Zero

ACT TWO. SCENE FOUR.

Hamlet comes out of the caravan, looking serious.

BRIAN: To pee, or not to pee: that is the question:
Whether 'tis easier to get out of bed and go to the toilet
Or just to lie in a sea of troubles and squelchiness
And sleep.
To sleep: perchance to leak: ay, there's the wet patch;

Gor blimey, Charley, I think I wet myself.

CHARLEY: Eurggghy, that's gross. I'm not being funny but just being honest, I can't believe you did that, Brian, you're so disgusting!

Okay. Yesterday I said I thought Brian was having us on that he'd never heard of Shakespeare. That this "I'm as thick as a plank but at least I'm nice" act was just that, an act. But if Brian is acting, this is Oscar-winning, method acting of the highest calibre. Not even Marlon Brando would have gone so far as to wet his bed, just to charm the pants off some some poncey French film critics.
Hats off to Brian, living the part.

In other news: the sleep deprivation idea failed. Staying awake for sixty hours was never going to happen. They lasted 25. I'm surprised they even bothered. Surely someone should have pointed out that living off chick peas and bread for a week is a lot easier than living without sleep for three days.
Chalk that one up to Endemol for another duff task.

And Billi might be punished for discussing nominations. Would not surprise me in the least. Charley is this years Nikki, even down to her diary room rants. They got rid of her too early last year, so they won't make that mistake again.

I like the Channel Four explanation:

“Billi broke the rules and producers have strongly considered discounting his nominations.”

"Strongly considered"? How strongly? Either he broke the rules or he didn't. Does this have to go to the House of Lords and then the UN before they make a decision?

Who's Shakespeare?

ACT TWO. SCENE THREE.

Juliet is on the balcony, scowling.

CHARLEY: O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?

BRIAN: Oi. Juliet. I want to take your top off and caress your titties.

CHARLEY: I'm not being funny but just being honest, I can't believe you said that, you're so ruuuuuude!

Okay. Hands up all those who believe that Brian has never heard of "this Shakespeare geezer". I mean, he knows what a playwright is, he knows what a director is, but he's never heard of Shakespeare. "I didn't pay too much attention at school", he claims. Well I hope so. If he's faking it, and gets away with it, then he deserves the prize. But why would he thinking pretending to be ignorant was a good idea?

Still, it's been a good weekend. Just when I start to like someone they do something crass, and just when I start to dislike someone they do something unexpected. Just when I was about to report that I reckon Brian could win this, he does the above. And then, just when I write that I think Billi is a complete plonker he starts crying. And then he starts plotting.

I like it! The crying was interesting, as here was another housemate shocked by the dismissal of Seany. I didn't even know they were pals. But that's the highlights for you. We never see enough.

Then he starts backstabbing Charley. But it's all so unsubtle. He's picking on someone he knows is unpopular with the public anyway, and someone who is unpopular inside as well. Moreover, other things being equal, they've all just seen her spend a night in the caravan. Now they know how peaceful it would be without her. So he doesn't need to do it.

And as to all this stuff about her weekend pre-nominations suck-up routine. Well what does he think he's doing? Basically, he was telling Carole and Jonathan that he may have nominated them last time, but not this. Will they buy it?

Anyway, they've been nominating all night, as part of this crazy sleep deprivation task. But who will be up? A day ago I'd have said Jonathan and Carole would still be the easy targets, and maybe Charley too. But Billi's scheming is so obvious that he may well be in there too. Ziggy's certainly got it in for him. It's also quite possible that Billi might be banned for discussing nominations. He's certainly come close to it.

Fun! Fun! Fun!

Funny how the fun ones always go early.

Marco, three years ago, Lisa last year. When they find out they got nominated, instead of rethinking their strategy, and going away for some calm reflection, they just go for it. They spend their last days determined to have fun, doing what they did before only more so. And then they're shocked - shocked, I tell you! - to find that they're the ones who are evicted.

Still, the crowd always cheers them afterwards, though, don't they?

Anyway, I felt he was indeed, a bit of a clown. I still think there is more to Carole than we've seen so far, and Jonathan just needs to stay being Jonathan.

Interesting what he said about Charley. He had no idea she'd nominated him, and she'd spent the last two days wondering who nominated him:

“I feel sick. How can they take Seany out? I’m in shock.”

That girl is a player. Brian had him sussed, though, with his "little boy lost" routine. He may not know much about electricity, but he too is one to watch.

BTW: Are you as bored as I am about the on-off Ziggy/Chanelle thing?

Charley Bubbles

This was BB at its best.

First we saw the best of Charley. Instead of the attention-seeking, whining, motormouthed acid-tongued drama queen we have come to know and hate, at last we saw a different, self-effacing side. Perhaps she doesn't take herself that seriously. I've kind of come to terms with the idea that she can't be all that bad. How else can we explain that she doesn't get nominated by everyone? Maybe she's got a "what you see is what you get" quality lacking in some of the more subtle competitors. She may have a screaming row with somebody, and call them the most vicious things, but five minutes later, she's all smiles and talking to that person about hair-straighteners.

Being dumped in the pool by Seany exemplified this. First she's funny, then she's angry, then she calms down. All in minutes.

The incident also explained so much about Seany. Earlier, when he had been winding Brian up about there being no electricity in Wales, we saw his humour. This is what he brings to the house. Later, he was genuinely mystified as to why he'd been nominated. Then he goes and dumps Charley in the pool. If he can't see the connection, on top of the same kind of prank he did only the night before with Gerry's bear, then he deserves to go. ( And go he will, currently he's the favourite to meet Davina ).

But overall it was a good episode. Instead of the constant bitching and backstabbing, at last we saw them having fun, and even sworn enemies like Carole and Nicky having a laugh. We need more of this.

Money for Old Rope

In the long and distinguished history of naff Big Brother twists, this takes the biscuit. First, it wasn't a twist. A lame remake of the Eugene twist from two years ago, Carole, Jonathan and Seany didn't even have a dilemma to face. If they had had something to gain from it, maybe, but they didn't.

It was all done in a minute. Why not give them longer, so that they've got time to have an argument? Five minutes would have been far more exciting.

And show it on the plasma screen! Let the others see it. Now that would have been dramatic.

Do they employ monkeys to produce this show? Maybe so. It certainly crystallises what I have long thought: Davina and co may think the audience is stupid, but they think the housemates are even thicker. The first time I heard her say that they would think that the hundred grand was the total prize money I immediately thought: no, they won't. The second time I thought, how does she know? By about the fourth time I realised, they really do think these people are stupid. It's as simple as that.

Oh sure, some of them will speculate exactly that. But housemates speculate about everything. It's what they do. Every possible formulation will have been said, analyssed and digested. But they also know that giving away the total prize money would kill the show stone dead.

Why didn't they double the prize money at the end? That would make winning this show far more about being a contest, and less about getting that deal with the tabloids.

And Liam. Did they plan that? I can't believe so. Giving the dosh to someone who's been in the house for all of five days and who has said and done very little could hardly have been part of the masterplan. I suppose it does make him an easy target for nominations, and it may give him an incentive to walk. But seeing as he's enjoying it, and is pretty popular inside ( and that was always going to happen - they were all hardly going to give the money to Charley ), well he may as well stay.

Oh well, I suppose it could have been worse. They could have chosen Emily.

Nicky Versus Carole

What did you make of that thunderous row between the two former friends last night? Carole had steam pouring out of her ears, and Nicky played the innocent. I couldn't really figure it out. That is, I just couldn't figure out what started it. Carole made a lot of assertions about Nicky talking behind people's backs, but we didn't see any of it.

Anyway, here's somebody who is even more angry about it than Carole. It's all in the editing, apparently. Now that's a perennial complaint, and I imagine every single contestant can come out claiming to have been badly edited. But still, it's an interesting view. I don't think it did show Carole up as badly as the writer thinks. But maybe that's because I quite like her, and was very aware that we were missing something.

Charley Houdini

Carole versus Seany versus Jonathan.

She's done it again. But how? My only excuse for not forseeing this was the crazy decision to allow everyone to nominate and be nominated.

This is a first. In previous years, the new boys would have been exempt. But putting them up has changed everything, and my new special fave Jonathan is up for the chop.

Noooooo! Keep him in. He's a bulldozer. We need him.

Of course, how he actually got into the house is a bit of a mystery. Unlike Brian, Liam and Billi, he wasn't being kept in a safe house somewhere in France. No, he's been on the loose in London, and had even been watching the show. I wonder if he was actually approached, rather than actually auditioning like everyone else.

Still, it was a good nominations process. Ziggy, Chanelle and Samanda got no nominations at all. I wonder how long things stay that way. It was also great watching Chanelle twice slipping up and saying she was nominating Zac. The shrinks will have a field day with that on Sunday.

Is Jonathan going to be a one week wonder? It looks that way, unless Seany throws an almighty strop at being nominated. But other than that I think he's doomed. Big media cheese, too. Watch this interview with him, where he talks about this exciting new thing called the internet.

Anyway, tonight there's a live show, and there's something involving a loft. Will that make a difference?

UPDATE: I've just received an email from a reader explaining how Jonathan got in the house. Media Week, an advertising weekly newspaper, has a problem page. One week it got the following question:

"I'm a media buyer, but feel I'm in a bit of a rut. I would like fame and fortune, but don't think that I am going to get this in my present career. I would love to get into a reality TV show. Is this a good idea and how can I do it?"

This got the aunt to suggest a competition. The aunt, David Emin by name, happens to play poker with one of the producers of our favourite show. They did a deal. The ten best entries to Media Week were offered a short cut.

"E-mail me why you think you should be on Big Brother and the best 10 I receive can jump the 10,000-queue and will be guaranteed an audition with a senior Big Brother producer".

You can guess who won. I wonder if it was Jonathan who sent the original email.

"Deliciously Shallow"

Okay, so what do I think of the new boys?

Billi: Not too crazy about Massimo yet, but I'm enjoying the fact that he's hornier than the devil and that he fancies the pants off Chanelle, and Ziggy knows it. I wonder what Shabz thinks of the fact that he fancied her. If only she'd stayed!

Brian: Underneath that goofy exterior lies an interesting, laidback chap. He's been put in to befriend Charley - who he already knows! But will it happen? Will she be there long enough for it to happen?

Liam: Seems very down to earth. At the moment he's third favourite to win, behind Tracey and Chanelle. I'd place him higher myself. Looks a very solid performer.

Jonathan: This guy is an argument waiting to happen. The turbocapitalist, type A, superimpatient businessman has clearly been put in as a counter to the radical leftie Carole. But so far, they are best buddies. Hey, he's even invited her to her wedding! But he's far too direct. His craving to get to know the man-hater Nicky is bound to end in tears. I loved his telling Samanda that they were "deliciously shallow". Of course, he's right. As he kept saying, they're playing a good game. He can't win, mind, he's too rich, and too old, and not vulnerable enough. But while he's in there sparks will fly.

They're a good bunch, and we have a game on our hands. And, from being a women-dominated house, it wouldn't surprise me if, in a month or so, it'll be the reverse, with six or seven guys in there, and only two or three women. Charley, Nicky, Laura, and maybe Carole all have their cards marked, and if it were to go something like that, eventually people will start nominating the twins.

I bet the next newbie they send in there is a girl.

Ziggy on the Couch

Did you see catch the psychology show with Davina last night? So that's their game: big up Charley - "she just wants to be loved", dontcha know, and diss the Zigster. His love for Chanelle is "fake", apparently.
How do they know? Exhibit A B and C is that it takes Ziggy eight seconds to say in the diary room why he likes Chanelle. And when he comes out with it, first he says he finds her "trusting", and then he says she's "trustworthy".
This supposedly is a "slip". Like finding someone trustworthy is a bad thing.
I suppose it's possible that Ziggy was a bit embarrassed to be asked the question. Maybe he was weighing up what answer he should say. He is after all on television.
Now, I rather like Ziggy. When he first came in he seemed way too cool. Always the smoothy, ever so polite. I assumed he was too good to be true, and was rather enjoying waiting for the mask to slip.
But this guy is a former pop star. He's a model. He's used to tv, and is more media-savvy than anyone else in there. Indeed, a lot of the pleasure I get from watching him is glorying in his self-consciousness.
But that's a big step from writing him off as a total poseur. If anything, I think he's more into Chanelle than she is into him.
So Ziggy doesn't come up with the glib answer, and say he likes her "arse", which is the instant, oh-so unrehearsed answer Davina gave when asked about her husband. Well, big deal. They're on television. They're kissing and cuddling. They haven't been telling each other how much they leave each other. Who says this has to be Romeo and Juliet stuff?
Still, I think we get the message. Today is nominations' day. It appears we won't be having a repeat of  the previous twists, with the newbies getting the task. Instead, I rather suspect the new boys won't be allowed either to nominate or be nominated, and it will be down to the other eleven to fight it out among themselves. I can't see Charley escaping this time. Ziggy, Chanelle, Seany, Carole, Tracey, and Gerry will all be tempted to nominate her. The first two almost definitely do so.
But who will be up beside her? Could be loads of them, with anybody getting more than one nomination at risk. Which means Ziggy as well. Charley, Laura, and NIcky could all have him in their sights. If it's just Ziggy versus Charley, then Charley will go. But if there is a third name in there - Tracey say, then I expect it will be vote to save. If it's Ziggy versus Charley versus Chanelle, then I think they'd be happy to sacrifice Charley, wanting to see how the ZIggelle relationship plays out.
But at the moment Endemol want Charley to stay. They need their baddie.

"It was a Blast"

81.4% of the voters wanted her out, which in a three way is a lot. Not quite up there with Sezer from last year, but that was a man who was seriously hated. Still, Shabz didn't appear to mind. Even when she was wailing "Don't boo me" she said it with such jolliness and enthusiasm it didn't quite ring true.

What a strange girl. And why the lack of underwear? Maybe she bequeathed them to Seany.

I said there'd be little mention of the "Shagnam" controversy, and there was less than I thought - none. Not even from Davina, though she barely got a word in edgeways, and looked pretty peeved for it. Not many people can outspeak Davina.

But maybe they'll show us something on Sunday night.

As to the new guys, well at last! The game has truly begun.

I was quite an enthusiast for the all girl start, but it all went wrong last week when Emily and Lesley left. Charley needs someone to rein her in, but nobody was prepared to do it, so the show became her show, and was much the weaker for it. Maybe she'll get better, maybe she'll get worse, but at least we'll know.

Nominations due on Monday as well. I wonder how they fix that one.

SUNDAY UPDATE: And we've an interview with her here.

81.4% of the voters wanted her out, which in a three way is a lot. Not quite up there with Sezer from last year, but that was a man who was seriously hated. Still, Shabz didn't appear to mind. Even when she was wailing "Don't boo me" she said it with such jolliness and enthusiasm it didn't quite ring true.

What a strange girl. And why the lack of underwear? Maybe she bequeathed them to Seany.

I said there'd be little mention of the "Shagnam" controversy, and there was less than I thought - none. Not even from Davina, though she barely got a word in edgeways, and looked pretty peeved for it. Not many people can outspeak Davina.

But maybe they'll show us something on Sunday night.

As to the new guys, well at last! The game has truly begun.

I was quite an enthusiast for the all girl start, but it all went wrong last week when Emily and Lesley left. Charley needs someone to rein her in, but nobody was prepared to do it, so the show became her show, and was much the weaker for it. Maybe she'll get better, maybe she'll get worse, but at least we'll know.

Nominations due on Monday as well. I wonder how they fix that one.

SUNDAY UPDATE: And we've an interview with her here.

Shabnam voted out

Since Tuesday, the public have been voting to decide whether CAROLE, SHABNAM or TRACEY should be the first housemate to be publicly evicted from the Big Brother house.

DAVINA McCALL announced live to the house that the next person to be evicted would be SHABNAM. She received 81.4% of the total votes cast, and had to leave the Big Brother house immediately to be greeted by Davina and the crowd outside.

On hearing the news, Shabnam said "I told you, I knew it. I knew it" before kissing and hugging her housemates. "I've had a blast" she said, as Charley started crying and hugging her. "You don't deserve to go!" said Amanda.

"We'll stay in touch. I'll support you all. I love you all, don't forget me" said Shabnam as she finally left the Big Brother house.

Shagnam?

There's been an overnight sensation, folks! Shabz has played her last card, and it's one from the bottom of the deck. Or at least her knickers. Yes, she's pretended to get down and dirty with that loveable clown Seany.

Yes, I thought he was gay too. I say pretended to get down, but there is some suggestion that she and he actually did get down and dirty. Personally, I don't believe they'd have sex in a million years, but the way these things are edited does get the rumour mill going. Endemol love to promote this show as a sex-crazed circus, but whenever anybody does go and do such a thing, they suddenly draw the curtains on it like a Victorian schoolma'am, cutting away and sound-dipping the conversation.

Either way it's a desperate move from the Girl from Planet Zog. The Thursday night romance ploy is a trick we've all grown accustomed to over the years, but Thursday night sex is pointless. The first highlights show is broadcast before the watershed, so I doubt that Davina will ever mention it. Even if it did happen, they certainly won't say so. They'll just leave us guessing.

According to this interview given before she went in the house, Shabz's sex life has not been a bundle of laughs so far. I hope it gets better for her.

Anyway, tonight she's going. Save your money, it's going to be very one-sided. It appears it isn't going to be a double eviction after all. Endemol still have high hopes for Carole, and Tracey is the current favourite. So those two are staying.

But four blokes are going in tonight, immediately after the eviction. It's going to get mighty crowded in that there bedroom. Maybe Seany will be cuddling somebody else tonight.

"Who is She?"

That fish task was rubbish, wasn't it? Visually it was nothing, as nobody moved. And they gave up on it after barely an hour. Why? They know they're going to get fed, anyway. Tasks don't mean that much to the housemates now, do they?
There is a serious lull in proceedings at the moment, isn't there? It's often like this about two weeks in. Someone usually walks, and somebody is evicted, and the news finally dawns on the survivors that they could be in there for three months with people they don't particularly like, with no television, nothing to read, nowhere to escape to, and chickpeas for lunch.
They came in for instant glamour and fame and are bored out of their skulls. And there are three guys in there, two of whom are gay, and one of whom has already paired up with one of the women.
It's also become the Charley show. Which is not a Good Thing.
Did you see her go into the diary room and do they "Who is she?" Nikki-like rant about Chanelle? I suppose she thinks she's doing a touch of Lesley's post-modernist irony, but it looked rather weird to me, and forced. Same with calling her "it".
I was never Nikki's biggest fan, but at least she had a sense of humour about herself, and people genuinely liked her in there.
Does anyone really like Charley in there now? When Nikki was evicted they were all genuinely shocked. When Charley gets nominated I don't think anyone will be surprised, least of all she.
Last night I watched the show on delay - Hey, not even I can watch this and the Apprentice Grand Final at the same time - and when I turned off at 11.30 at night there she was, live on E4, shouting at Shabnam. Why would she turn on her only friend in there?

That's another difference between Charley and Nikki. Nikki not only was nicer, she was cleverer. Charley's gameplan is just to be loud ALL THE TIME. It's never worked for a winner before, why does she think it will now?

Shabnam's Got Talent?

There are questions that keep me up at night. Why did Freddie Flintoff declare in the second test in Australia? How did Bananarama have so many hit singles? Whose bright idea was it to join the European Union? But this is guaranteed to give me night sweats for decades to come: How come Charley avoided getting any nominations?

I suppose the only answer is that they are all too scared of her. Last week Ziggy didn't nominate her, and chose the easy option of Shabz. I think the twins did the same. As for Seany and Gerry? Who knows. I guess she doesn't bitch too much about them - yet.

But wow, she's still there, and Endemol must be breathing a sigh of relief. They really don't want three of their biggest guns out of there in the first week. Maybe things will be different next week, assuming we at last get a normal nominations process. But in the mean time it's Shabz versus Carole versus Tracey.

Who does it look like will go? Shabz is the favourite to leave. I can't see Tracey going as she's too, relatively, amiable. People don't hate her enough. But there is a tide of disapproval for Carole. She came in with an aggressive VT, claiming she loved arguments. No, she doesn't, she loves cleaning. Will this tide become a tsunami, with punters realising she just doesn't add enough? We shall see.

Mind you, it wouldn't surprise me if they spring a double eviction, with Shabz and Carole both going. This show needs some guys in it, I think, so it therefore needs a cull, with a couple more red-blooded heterosexual boys sent in next week. It's run out of steam since Emily and Lesley leaving, with nobody willing to stand up to Charley. None of them really think it's started yet, so why should the viewers?

I still kind of like Shabz, though. Like I said yesterday, there's something disarmingly honest about her vanity. I wouldn't like to know her, of course, but it would be funny to see her win this: the wannabe who won. And she is really desperate to be famous, you know. Here's proof. Watch Shabz getting kicked off another reality tv show, Britains' Got Talent last night. Or rather More Talent. Has Shabz got any? I doubt it.

EVICTION latest!

CAROLE, SHABNAM OR TRACEY.. You decide

Yesterday, Amanda, Gerry, Sam and Seány went into the Diary Room to
individually nominate the two housemates they most want evicted from the
house this week.

Following their surprise arrival on Friday night,
Gerry and Seány both received an exclusive nominations privilege, and
chose twins Sam and Amanda to nominate with them.

CAROLE, SHABNAM and TRACEY all received two nominations each and
therefore face the first Big Brother eviction via the public vote on Friday
15 June.

Amanda nominated Carole because "I think she's been struggling in the
house... She's always leaving discussions... We're supposed to be a
team."

She when on to cite, "If we have discussions and everyone shouts
over each other, she'll (Carole) stand up and leave but gets stressed if
no one listens to her... with Carole it's an issue rather than an
argument."

Amanda then nominated Nicky giving the following reasons, "It quite
upsets her if certain things aren't done... she indicated to the new lads
that me and Sam don't clean up... I found it quite rude."

Gerry nominated Shabnam because, "She's constantly posing... I've tried
to have a decent conversation [with her but] all she talks about is
being a TV presenter, star... superficial bull***t."

Gerry then nominated Tracey because, "She communicates in strict
phrases of interesting vocabulary... by giving [people] a set of answers, you
have very little to give."

Sam nominated Shabnam because, "She hasn't been taking on her jobs....
When we have meetings she doesn't take things into consideration... She
comes into the bedroom breathing heavily or singing 'A wim-a-way, a
wim-a-way...."

Sam then nominated Carole giving the following reason, "When Carole
isn't getting her say she walks out of meetings... if she listened, then
she'd know we decided that fruit was snacks and she says no it's
desserts."

And finally Seány nominated Tracey because, "She doesn't take part in
all the fun... she's good to speak to but sometimes having a laugh is
more important."

Seány then went on to nominate Gerry because, "He interrupts me when I
speak... sometimes, when I'm speaking to others, I never get to finish
a sentence... [During the boardroom task] everyone noticed that he kept
interrupting."

Backstabber Shabba

So what do we make of Shabnam, then? I don't suppose this story will do her much good, but it does tie in with her general psychology. She is a bit of a backstabber.

By all rational, normal human standards I really ought to dislike her. In my first night review at the start of this series I actually wrote:

"Of the girls Shabnam seemed the nicest. Or at least the one who wasn't completely self-obsessed. But you never can tell, can you?"

Well the third sentence just about made up for the complete idiocy of the first two. But not quite. Really, in the long history of this programme, I'm not sure a more moronic comment has ever been uttered. For she is quite fantastically self-obsessed. Shamelessly in it for the fleeting fame. Hugely lazy, and in a house of hugely lazy people, that takes a lot to notice. Mouthy. And yes a backstabber. While Ziggy was saying nice things about her and how lively she is, she was writing him off as a "tosspot" who she "hated".

She also really pushed it by egging Seany on when he whipped the duvet off Lesley that night before she left.

And yet I can't hate her back. I actually quite like her brutal honesty about why she is in there. I like the fact that for all her vanity, she didn't mind too much about losing her make-up. And I liked that she didn't mind being nominated last week.

Maybe I'm being naive, but one of the reasons I really do hope that Charley goes on Friday is for Shabz to stop being her lapdog. She's the only one who never falls out with her. You often get this in BB. Two people - usually girls unless I'm much mistaken - pairing off and slagging the rest off. When one goes, the other calms down a lot. It happened a lot in BB1 with Caggy and Nicola, if you can remember that far.

If Charley goes on Friday, maybe Shabz will shape up a little. Maybe.

Chick Peas, Weight Loss

So, can you tell Samanda apart yet? I do find them fascinating. They seem so upbeat. Do they ever get down and miserable? It will be very more interesting to see how they nominated. Did they vote for the same people? Did they vote for each other? Probably not.

Quite rightly, Samanda seem to be the ones everybody likes in there, so I can see them staying right through to the final week. How could you nominate one without the other? But can they win? I can't quite see it. When it comes to vote to win,and people are voting all week for their favourite, surely they just won't be able to get the numbers, as I can't quite see one becoming more popular than the other. So they would surely get a split vote.

Unless one of them walks, five days before the finish, leaving the door open for her sister to win in a fanfare of tears and emotion. Davina would not be able to control herself.

Anyway, we'll learn later on today who is up for eviction. So stay tuned - we'll bring you the news as and when it comes in.

In the mean time, here's the original of that cute little song they sing.

"I Could Have Won It"

Said Lesley in the diary room, just before she left.

And you know what? She's right. Okay, we'll never know. She didn't come across as completely likeable. She was bossy, and self-regarding. But she was funny with a quick, deadpan wit that most of the housemates simply did not get. She gave the others oodles of advice, much of it very simple, though it was usually ignored, and she would have avoided getting too many nominations largely because few in there would have seen her as a contender.

But boredom and all the crazy kids were bound to get to her. Indeed, she was this year's fall guy. Like Kitten three years ago and Shahbaz last year, Endemol often send in at least one competitor they must be pretty sure won't stay the course. They know people walk now, and that there isn't much they can do to stop it. So why not send it the unsuitable hoping for an early flare-up?

On that score Lesley did her job. But I did like her parting words. Refusing to accept Seany's apology was sheer class. She was a major character. And now we've lost two of the biggies before the first eviction. And I'd bet my mortgage that Charley's next.

Why? Well you never can tell. Today is nominations day. Normally, this is my favourite day of the whole series. It's the first time everybody votes. For the first time we get to find out what they all really think of each other. But for reasons best known to themselves, Endemol have decided to do a copy of last week's twist, which itself was a copy of last year's Golden Ticket twist. Newcomers Seany and Gerry have choses Samanda to nominate along with themselves. The twins will surely pick Charley as one of their targets. One thing we know about Samanda is that they don't like confrontation, and Charley is at the forefront of all the house arguments. Presumably Seany and Gerry know this, so they too, will nominate her.

And if Charley is up, she is surely gone. Shame for her. She thinks she's this season's Shilpa Shetty. She isn't. She's this season's Jade.

Best housemate task

WHO ARE THE BEST HOUSEMATES FOR THE JOB?

Today, new housemates Gerry and Seany will stage interviews to select which two housemates will join them in nominating this week. Only 4 housemates will be able to nominate, and the decision must be jointly decided by the two new boys.

To help make this decision, Gerry and Seany must interview each of their fellow housemates in the Big Brother boardroom where each housemate will have a maximum of five minutes to tell Gerry and Seany why they think they deserve the right to nominate. Gerry and Seany's decision will be final.


THE RULES

* Gerry and Seany must remain in the boardroom until all housemates have been interviewed.
* Big Brother will call housemates to the boardroom in alphabetical order.
* Gerry and Seany must interview all housemates for a maximum of 5 minutes. A bell will sound to indicate when each interviewee's 5 minutes is up.
* All housemates are reminded that the interview is about your suitability as a nominator and not about who you might nominate.
* The selection of the two housemates must be a joint decision. Gerry and Seany must not reveal their decision to their fellow housemates until instructed to do so by Big Brother.

Big Brother Pictures - Sunday

 Here's a selection of photos from the Big Brother house from Sunday.  Click on an image to see it full  size.  

More exclusive stories from NotW

Click here to read the latest exclusive stories from the News of the World.

Lesley quits

After a week of is she isn't she, Lesley finally decided her time in the house was over and departed the Big Brother House at 09:10am on the morning after the arrival of two new housemates Gerry and Seány.

SEE MORE PICS
Lesley is the second Housemate to leave the house after Emily was removed early on Thursday morning.

Lesley bid goodbye to her housemates before coming to the Diary Room. On leaving the Big Brother House, Lesley said she was feeling "very sad" but added "It was nice, nice to say goodbye. I liked it."

When asked by Big Brother why she was feeling sad, Lesley replied "Well I made, not friendships, never got anywhere like that, but you know I've formed slight bonds with people and they were lovely and gracious". Through tears, Lesley said she would particularly miss Tracey. "I'll think about her with great affection... even though she wouldn't lend me that stripy top".

When asked her reasons for leaving, Lesley replied: "My reasons are I have been here ten days. I have, during that time, contributed and have felt able to do so. I feel that I contributed well, but my strength and energy in that department is running out.

Lesley said she "very much enjoyed" meeting the housemates. "Very much, without exception, very much enjoyed that. And I also enjoyed the challenge and the process ... of coping in a situation that was so alien to my nature".

Big Brother asked her if she had anything else to say. Lesley replied: "I would like to say thank you for the opportunity. It has been a wonderful opportunity - however short, in terms of the whole programme - I appreciate that. So thank you. I think I would like to say that I believe I could have won it or certainly been there towards the end ... I actually think one way or another I could have won it".

Big Brother asked "but you are choosing not to try to win it or be there toward the end?"

Lesley replied "Yes I am. Yes I have weighed it up."

Lesley then left the Big Brother house.

Breaking News

Lesley has left the building.

Do You Know This Man?

It's new housemate Seany from the movie "Bloody Sunday". Enjoy the picture as, judging by overnight developments, he may not be in there too long. He's already discussed the "Get Charley Out" chants, which qualifies as discussing the outside world, and talked about nominations. And he pulled the quilt off a sleeping Lesley, which may qualify as "unacceptable behaviour".

We could be looking at a new record for the shortest-lived housemate.

I always thought there'd be trouble, bringing two gay guys in. Clearly, some Endemol goon thought this would be a smart move, but given the paranoid nature of the show, they will surely be suspecting each other, assuming that they're supposed to be expecting some sort of romance. Remember how Dan and Marco got along at first in BB2, and Brian and Josh in BB2? And when will the first homophobic remark get the PC pedants demanding someone's removal? Or maybe that's the intention.

We're in for a bumpy weekend.

Emily Tries But Misunderstands

Strange isn't it? Let's look at the press release:

"The blonde 19-year-old was dancing with Charley and Nicky in the living room of the Big Brother house at approximately 8.30pm last night when she was heard to say "Are you pushing it out you n*****?" to Charley".

Er. No she wasn't. They were in the garden and they weren't dancing, they were sitting down smoking. Why the mistake?

And why did it take so long to sort out? Why was Emily suddenly called to the diary room at 3.30 a.m. seven hours after the event? Why wasn't she just whisked to the diary room, reprimanded, given a formal warning, or even removed? Why for that matter, didn't they wait till she had woken up? It's a bit like a policeman watching a burglary take place, and calling the station to ask what he should do.

But I think a lot is explained when you realise what's going on behind the scenes. The real battle going on in this isn't Emily versus Charley, nor is it about racism. It's about Endemol against Channel Four. Endemol, who make the programme, wanted to settle this inside the house. This, after all, is the whole point of the show. We the audience weigh all this up. We see how the housemates get on, we see their good and bad points and make assessments every Friday as to who we want in. But Channel Four, the broadcasters, were having none of this. Having been stung by CBB, they went ballistic, and ordered her out.

Clearly this event sent the production team into panic. You can imagine the phone calls and meetings, which is why nobody did the decent thing and called Emily into the diary room. They were too busy panicking. Which is why they couldn't even get the basic facts right in their press release.

Meanwhile Charley did all she can to draw attention to it all. It's a bit like in a football match when somebody fouls someone. A dozen others pile in just to make sure the ref does something. And the ref usually does. But he never sends everybody off, and always picks the initial offender. Cristiano Ronaldo versus Wayne Rooney, anyone?

But perhaps Charley was offended, and I'm being unfair. But she kept saying she wasn't, and that she knew Emily didn't mean anything by it. So why did she make sure Laura, then Shabnam, and finally anyone who was awake in the bedroom hear all about it? Yes, she's a mouthy girl, and keeping a secret doesn't seem to be one of her talents.

I do wonder, though, what would have happened if the three of them had decided, genuinely, to let it lie, and if the whole incident had blown over in half a minute, and none of them referred to it ever again.

It would have been nice if Charley and Nicky had just told her she was out of order, don't do it again, but we don't believe you meant it maliciously, so let's just leave it. And left it. But I guess I'm asking too much.

Still, rules is rules, and I think you could guage from their reaction that they had all been heavily primed that any use of the n-word meant you were out on your ear. They all knew the significance of it, and knew what was coming. That's why they were all so excitable. They knew.

But dragging someone out of bed in the middle of the night? Cruel.

Still, it's over and done with. Tonight's eviction is cancelled and Shabnam lives to fight another day. Instead of the eviction, and presumably to try and get over this and onto the next talking point, we've got two more men going in: one gay, one bi.

I bet Ziggy can't wait.

Live by the Sword, Die by the Sword

Well well well. It was bound to happen one day, wasn't it?

First off. I'm not trying to excuse Emily. At the very least, she was stupid. For a self-proclaimed superintelligent bright girl she, better than anyone in there, really ought to know the rules. But she really ought to know how this is how big institutions work. The producers of this show have spent the last couple of years bending over backwards to ignore their own rules. They've played favourites, and even put housemates back in because they were "popular". Way back in the second series they told us who was losing in the phone vote. Surprise surprise, moments later, Alison, who was then safe, gets evicted over the preferred candidate Alex.

In the same series they developed a weird obsessional urge to protect Jade from nominations, Hey, they even spoiled the last CBB by sticking her back in.

They've squealed like pigs that they are responsible broadcasters, yet have often refused to issue warnings to housemates when things are getting heated. Or, as in the last CBB, they haven't told us about them. They've turned a blind eye to racial abuse, tolerated bullying, and left things go on that really shouldn't. They could easily have called Jade into the diary room at the height of Shilpagate. Why didn't they?

And now, bruised by all the criticism, they kick Emily out for using the N-word. Was Charley offended? Hardly. Sure, she was surprised. Shocked, maybe? But she cried when told that Emily had been removed. And if you read the transcript, she too used to word seconds afterwards. As indeed, did Nicky.

So here we are: offensiveness no longer means whether the person was trying to be offensive, or whether the alleged victim was in fact offended, it means whether somebody somewhere who knows about the event might be capable of being offended by it.

Was Emily bullying Charley? Was she making her life hell? Hardly.

This isn't about justice. Or about protecting Charley from racism. This is, once again, all about saving Channel Four's blushes.

EMILY EVICTED FOR RACIST JIBE

Emily Parr was removed from the Big Brother house in the early hours of this morning after calling Charley a "n*****".

The blonde 19-year-old was dancing with Charley and Nicky in the living room of the Big Brother house at approximately 8.30pm last night when she was heard to say "Are you pushing it out you n*****?" to Charley.

Emily immediately made clear that she had not intended to offend and that the comment had been meant as a joke. In discussing what she had said, Charley and Nicky agreed that they were not personally offended, although both did express shock at the language she had used.

HAVE YOUR SAY ON BB'S LATEST RACE STORM

Emily then admitted she should have been more careful with her words.

The comment was not screened as part of the 'as live' streaming on E4 and was immediately reported up to senior production staff at Endemol. The decision was taken to remove Emily from the house.

The House Rules given to all contestants clearly state:

" Big Brother will intervene and take appropriate action if Housemates behave in a way that Big Brother considers is unacceptable.

" Unacceptable behaviour includes: behaving in a way that could cause serious offence to either their fellow Housemates or members of the viewing public including serious offence based on the grounds of race.

" Housemates who act in a way that is seriously unacceptable will be evicted."

Emily was called to the Diary Room at approximately 3.30 am to be informed of the decision and was removed from the house immediately without further contact with other contestants. The remaining housemates were informed of Big Brother's decision at approximately 9.30am today.

Emily was one of two housemates nominated for eviction this week and as a result the latest eviction vote has been suspended.

Angela Jain, who heads the Big Brother commissioning team at Channel 4, said: "I think people watching the show tonight will agree that Emily spoke carelessly rather than maliciously - certainly Charley and Nicky, the two housemates most directly involved in the conversation with her, seem to accept that she did. She understands why her involvement in Big Brother has had to come an end and she very much regrets what she said.

"In the wake of Celebrity Big Brother we must consider the potential offence to viewers regardless of Emily's intentions and her housemates' response.

"The word n***** is clearly racially offensive and there was no justification for its use. We have removed Emily from the house to once again make it clear to all housemates and the viewers at home that such behaviour won't be tolerated."

A spokesman for the Campaign For Racial Equality said: "Whichever way you look at it, the 'n' word is clearly offensive.
"This will show everyone that racism must never be tolerated in any way, shape or form," he added.

This is a provisional transcript of the conversation between Emily, Charley and Nicky that led to Emily's departure from the house. The incident will be aired as part of the Big Brother highlights show on Channel 4 at 10pm tonight (Thursday 7th June).

Emily: (referring to Charley dancing/pushing her hips forward) You pushing it out you n*****.
Nicky: (shocked laughter) Em, I can't believe you said that.
Charley: You are in trouble.
Emily: Don't make a big thing out of it then. I was joking.
Charley: I know you were… but that's some serious s**t, sorry.
Emily: Why?
Charley: Oh my god. I'm not even saying it.
Nicky: Just don't talk about it anymore.
Emily: I was joking.
Charley: Do you know how many viewers would watch that?
Nicky: Okay, don't make a big deal out of it.
Charley: Fancy you saying that. I can't believe you said that.
Emily: Somebody has already used that word in this house.
Charley: No way. (Pause) Yeah, me. I'm a n*****.

Nicky laughs.

Charley: I am one. Fancy you saying it. I know maybe you see it in a rap song. Maybe you and your friends sit there saying it.
Emily: I'm friendly with plenty of black people.
Nicky: And you call them n******?
Emily: Yeah and they call me n******. They call me wiggers as well.
Nicky: I'm quite shocked.
Charley: I'm f***ing in shock.
Emily: It's not a big deal though is it?
Charley: Not for us it ain't. F*** me.

BREAKING NEWS - VOTING SUSPENDED

Has Emily left? She was called to the diary room at 3.30 in the night and hasn't been seen since.

And, like I said, voting has been suspended.

We'll bring you more when we know.

9.38 UPDATE: The diary room is closed until further notice. Weird. Is she still in there?

9.51. UPDATE: Emily has been removed for "unacceptable behaviour". "Serious offence" was caused.

The Itchy and Scratchy Show

I must say I'm rather cheered by the news that Shabnam is more likely to go. Yes, Emily is a preening, jealous little ultrabitch who thinks she is the bees' knees. And she did accuse Chanelle's of having a gameplan. I quote: "the other girls and me have been discussing how Chanelle has a game plan around you". So in that argument Ziggy was right.

Still, I did admire the way she tried to weasel her way out of it, saying that Ziggy picked up on one word that somehow accidentally crept out of her mouth. Imagine doing that?

But, in terms of entertainment, conflict, and drama she does bring a lot more to the table. And wait till the long-awaited boys get a load of her. That'll mix it up. And she does have, not just one, but two of the finest buttocks ever to sit on the diary room chair.

As for Shabz. Well, this show has had more than its fair share of desperate wannabes over the years but this girl takes the biscuit. She's saying she wants to quit already, and she actually asks BB if she's done enough to "get a deal". Get a life, more like. And what, aside from tell Charley how fab she is, does she actually do in there? From a group dynamics point of view, I don't think she'd be missed that much.

Indeed, if you were a BB producer who would you want out? The one who wants to leave in the first week, or the one who is the biggest stirrer in there? Last year they made the fatal mistake of evicting Grace when she had barely started. Surely they wouldn't make the same mistake two years running?

Oh yes, if you think you may have seen Shabz before, maybe that's because you have. A few weeks ago, she was on another Channel Four show. She says she's been cured, but I've seen her scratching in there. Maybe it's the stress of all those forthcoming "deals".

Emily versus Shabnam

It's official!

So he likes Charley, after all. Kind of makes sense - he clearly enjoys her earthy flirting, and she's never really argued with him, just the others. Also, she'd be hell to live with for the next few days if he had nominated her.

Shabnam, meanwhile, asked him to nominate her. So she can hardly complain.

Emily, on the other hand, has been winding him up about Chanelle. You've got to hand it to her that, for all her "intelligence" she has behaved like a complete idiot lately. All she had to do was to lie low - after all, she'd been getting on so well with him. But having an argument with his best girl the night before nominations is not brilliant game-playing.

Who will go? I think it could be very close. The public hates a posh girl who thinks she's so clever. On the other hand Shabnam is fantastically self-obsessed and annoying. But does she stand out from the crowd?

It's a close call, but I reckon that it will be Emily who's first out that door. Shame. I thought she might have been a player.

Who's up for eviction?

CHARLEY and Lesley are tipped to face eviction, show insiders say.

Ziggy is the only housemate allowed to nominate this week – and he looks likely to put the boot into the wannabe WAG and the retired head-hunter.

Our source said: “It’s no secret that Lesley is finding it tough and looking forward to leaving.  Ziggy will probably nominate her because he feels sorry for her and Charley because he isn't getting along with her at all.”

However, another insider believes that Shabnam could face the publice vote instead of Lesley. He said: "It's a difficult one to call. But Shabs has been so damned miserable, Ziggy might want to get rid of her and her long face for good."

Charley goes topless

Check out these pics of Charley topless in the pool.

"I'm Just Sniffing My Mattress"

Ziggy hasn't nominated yet, but, if that little dinnertime chat with Emily is anything to go by, it looks more and more like it'll be Charley and Shabnam. Nice to know that discussing nominations is out, but discussing who you don't get on with is acceptable. That's a mighty thin line.

Anyway, I'm still enjoying this, though I do feel a great sense of forboding. It's a bit like watching Exeter versus Torquay in the second round of the FA Cup. You know neither's going to get very far, and you know the contest doesn't really get started till the third round draw and Manchester United and Arsenal get taken out of the hat. After all, we all know that more guys will be going in soon, and it's just a question of when. There are twelve more weeks of this, which means eleven evictions before the final six in the last week. Not forgetting expulsions and walks. Last year three walked in the first fortnight. So? Do the maths.

The Sun claims the next intruder is a chap called Ross Noakes, and he's gay. Is that a good idea? I'd have thought a straight competitor for Ziggy would have been a better plan.

Jayne and Suzie from last year ( remember them? ) also want more men. Give it time, girls. If they send six guys in on Friday it will be just another Big Brother. At the moment, it's different.

So, enjoy it while it lasts.

Ziggy Played Guitar

Well, no he didn't actually. He sang.

Okay, so it's Monday, which means it's nominations. And this week's twist is that it's the Zigster himself who nominates. So who shall it be? Charley's the obvious choice as she's winding everyone up, and I can imagine he'd think she'd be pretty unpopular with the public. She could, however, be a real menace for the three days leading up to Friday, with more tears, and lots of threats to go. And what if she stayed on Friday? He'd have a permanent enemy.

But who else can he go for? Lesley is threatening to leave. But it seems that she only told the Diary Room, so maybe he doesn't know it. And he gets on with her. But she at least wouldn't go ape if he picked her.

To further complicate matters, Shabnam told him last night during his marathon speed-dating task that she was thinking of leaving. That gives him the perfect opportunity to pick her, as she can hardly complain if he does.

Other things to take into account - he must suspect it will all be shown on the plasma screen, so he's going to have to be civil and not too brutal. Yet he must also not look too much like a wimp when he does it. Also, he seems like a natural peacemaker, so he really will want to be nice about it.

There is also one further, fiendish possibility. The rule stated: "I and I alone will decide who faces the public vote". So maybe he will have to nominate more than two people. And, even more fiendishly, maybe it's the ones he nominates who will be immune from eviction, and it's the others who go up. He's still deciding who faces the public vote, just not the way he expects to.

It would not surprise me in the least if that's what the producers have up their sleaves - depending on who he nominates. If he picked Samanda, say, I bet they'd switch it so they stay.

So who do I think he'll choose? He says he's already decided, but of course he can easily change that.

Charley and Shabnam.

Charley's got a lot of front (WARNING: fruity language)

It's a scientific fact - a sweet, sweet scientific fact - that if you stick x amount of women in a room for t amount of time, they will z, eventually start groping each other's boobs. And here, gentlemen, is the evidence for your consideration.

Look out for Chanelle's totally uncharacteristic foul-mouthed outburst at the end if you're of a sensitive disposition. Although if you're of a sensitive disposition, what the hell are you doing watching a video of Charley popping her knockers out in the first place?

A Right Charley

Every show needs a villain and it looks like Charley has stepped up to the plate. Did Lesley really pee in the shower? Unless she admits it, I don't suppose we'll ever know. Not unless there is a camera where there really shouldn't be. And what was with the crying cos she is tired routine? I especially loved it when she went to the bedrooms to be followed by a screaming band of girlies who drowned her out. So what does she do to keep the attention? She gets up on the furniture. Now everyone can look at her.

But it looks like the rest of them have got her number already.

Oh yes. Did anyone notice some bloke enter the house last night? He seems like a nice boy.

...

DAY 3 & 4HIGHLIGHTS:

BOOBS AND BOYS

Emily challenges Charley's "name-dropping".

The first male enters the house - and the housemates' fate is now in Ziggy's hands.

Charley gets upset about missing food, and Lesley considering leaving.

Chanelle says she wants a boob-job.

DAY 2 HIGHLIGHTS:

A BOY AMONGST THE BIRDS

Former boy-band member, Ziggy, (of now defunct Northern Line), is set to ruffle the ladies' feathers as he became the first male housemate to join the previously all-female household.

Ziggy entered the house to a chorus of squeals and screams from the females. Hugging and kissing his new housemates, he said "am I the only guy here?", before asking "who's going to show me around?". As the excited housemates gathered around Ziggy, Laura said "Give the guy some space ladies".

Ziggy was then called to the Diary Room where Big Brother asked him how it felt to be in an all female house. "It's a wonderful, wonderful experience. I can't tell you how good this feels. I'm just wondering if there are any other guys coming in? I wouldn't mind trying to lock the doors if that's possible" he said.

Big Brother then told Ziggy to take the envelope next to him to the sofa area and gather his housemates. When instructed to open the letter he read out the message: "Next week only one housemate will be allowed to nominate. That housemate will be me. I and I alone will decide who faces the public vote."

As the housemates took in the news, Ziggy joked "you all have to be very nice to me".

WEE-GATE

Charley claims that Lesley has peed in the shower

The housemates tackle their first task - breakdancing. Carole beats Shabnam, Charley beats Lesley, Emily beats Chanelle and Tracey beats the twins. Carole's crew are the overall winners and they collect a trophy each from the D