Why I turned down BB invite

GUEST POST FROM BB8's LESLEY BRAIN

I am speaking to you from a bunker deep in the countryside.

This has been written on a piece of paper, attached to a pigeon and thrown out into cyber-space.

The Brain household is fearful that someone from the production team will come and take me off to BB10 for The Birthday Celebrations.

I know that you will be crying out that my having been abysmal as a housemate and having walked should secure my safety from the festivities but Mr Brain has reminded me that prior to BB8 They came for me not just once but TWICE, since I ran away from their hideaway in France on the first occasion.

 

Though, if I am to break in to genuine honesty for a change, there is one reason I would like to go into BB10. And that is to meet Freddie and Siavash.

It is often said, sometimes by me, that I did not like the BB8 housemates. This isn't true.

I liked Liam, (wonderfully polite 7/10), Brian, (sensitive and intelligent 8/10), Ziggy (gorgeous 9/10), Nikki (absolutely beautiful (8/10), Tracey (eccentric and loveable 7/10), Samanda (lovely and deep down good 20/10), Laura (Welsh 7/10), Shabs (funny 8/10) - even Charley (8/10), who was HELL to live with, can be wonderfully charming and is fascinating - but this is based on having actually met them.

How I would feel if I were a viewer, as I am now with BB10, is another matter.

 

So, if BB want to invite me in to BB10 with some of the other 'posh' housemates (and there are more of them than can fill a gazebo) for a cup of tea or a Pimms I would check my diary....but they won't.

I hope the Birthday Celebrations are more fun than they look. I don't share other people's horror at having ex-housemates in for a visit...I just wish they could be made to stay for a week and live like a housemate again.

Forget the contrived tasks and go straight to some confrontations. Ummm....Nikki and Charley and Noirin and Sophia and Ash and All The Little Madams and one set of hair tongs would be my dream scenario.

 

But I wonder what Freddie (I wish he wouldn't try to be one of the gang and have his head shaved and wear makeup 6/10) and Siavash (I want to touch him 9/10) are like.

Which is more than I do about Kris who left last night. His interview was the dreariest half hour of my life and remember I was married to a Professor of Sociology for twenty years.

He said, I think - I can't actually listen to someone who fiddles with their hair - that he wants a 'girl-friend chat' and couldn't do 'rudies' on television. He plumbed new depths of tedium. Where was the jolly banter? (By the way, there is a lady at our W.I. who wears an identical top to that, Kris.)

 

Melanie Splatt! What is she all about?

Fortunately BB was still using the kiddies from the nutkins pre-school playgroup to do the editing - and script writing for Davina - and so I blinked and missed her, twice.

If only the toddlers could have messed up later during the appearance of my old friend Carole BB8.

She has many political causes and last night she chose to make out a very strong case for the burkha.

Seeing her, and obviously she has been eating prodigiously since we last met, in bra and knicks last seen in the film FREE WILLY, I was convinced.

Sign me up, Carole.

 

I'm not an advocate of new housemates - I always thought the Twins should have won BB as they were there from the start - but things are desperate.

I never understood the row about the Bunny - they should lead my life.

I wrote in my blog that I hated scatter cushions, the Archbishop of Canterbury and yellow. It was only 'rabbits as pets' that elicited hate mail and I had to print a retraction.

We need one very 'posh' person but no older than 25, a pretty jolly young girl of 18, an attractive 'normal' bloke who can speak and is prepared to do 'rudies', and Alan Rickman. If they do that they won't be able to keep me OUT this time...