15 minutes of fame? You must be joking!
GUEST POST FROM BB8's LESLEY BRAIN
Yesterday I was sitting in Harvey Nichols having lunch with a younger, attractive and attentive man when it struck me that I had forgotten something.
You know that feeling?
When you are at the airport and have to check you have your passport for the hundredth time...and did I get someone to feed the cat for two weeks...or, in this case, in these delicious circumstances, that I have a husband at home.
I had to take my eye off the ball, so to speak, for some time before it came to me and I remembered.....BB10 and the housemates!!!!!!
It is said that housemates have five minutes of fame...this lot is forgotten while they are still in the house.
So last night I decided to really, really concentrate on the Forgotten Ones. It isn't easy...not only is there no live feed (oops am I the first to mention that?)...but there is now a Veil Of Secrecy over what we are shown.
It is one thing to keep nominations secret from other housemates but they are now secret from the viewing public. What are They afraid of?
That the three of us will get together and talk about the show?
I have decided to take a scientific approach to the nominations. I have studied who they are - not easy to establish - where they live and what work they do.
Freddie (6/10) is an entrepreneur from Market Drayton. This means he helps mummy and daddy at home. A sort of up-market carer.
Marcus (4/10), who lives in London, which is about as precise as saying The World, is an angry windowfitter who fits windows at Windsor Castle, whether they want it or not.
Sophie (8/10), who suffers from the mange and would be put down if she were a canine rather than human dog, is an ironically named 'glamour model' from Cheshire, which has more glamour models seeking footballers per mile than any other county.
Charlie (0/10), our Northern Gay Gazza, from Newcastle is a customer services advisor, which is someone who helps you put your shopping in to bags in the supermarket.
Kris (0/10) is from Shrewsbury, the town not the very good school, obviously, and is a visual merchandiser. This is someone who looks in shops at things he can't afford. He appears to be terribly afflicted with jealousy as well as silly hair. He envies those who live in London and can hardly bear to engage with...
Siavash (10/10) who he guesses, rightly, may well have met 'celebs' and, so, shockingly competitively, Kris claims to have met two celebrities who I guess were Wallace and Grommit (9/10), with whom I was intimate at the Tetbury Christmas lights ceremony.
BB has long wished for a class warfare scenario.
They tried to set one up with Carole BB8 and me but I refused to play the game as it would have involved a comparison of our differing parental styles.
Hers being 'I will give you cheap mince and hair that I have stewed for ten days while I eat caviar and you WILL be grateful or I will bully and threaten' while mine is 'here's Encyclopaedia Brittanica, go away'....While I had chosen to engage in BB I really didn't feel my children had volunteered too. Game over.
The present Freddie, Hero Of All Things Posh, against The Chav Kingdom just isn't going to sustain an audience for any longer.....like the posh and the chav, it is past its' sell-buy date..Freddie is rapidly losing popularity through no fault of his own...move on, BB...before we do...
While the BB10 housemates have in common that they like to present themselves as sluts and studs who go in for inordinate displays of inappropriate touching, they really are a disparate group of saddoes whose common factor is that they all hate each other.
I pity the agent who gets landed with this lot and has to shepherd them round the clubs for ten quid a night.
This scientific analysis has made me conclude that Marcus will be evicted on Friday.
He is the only one with a sensible job to return to. The world will always need windows, however angry and aggressive the fitter, while the rest will fit dear departed Dermot O'Leary's reported statement that 'BB aftermath is toxic'.
I suggest he was referring to housemates rather than what happens to housemates. Now where did I leave that housemate?
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