BB 10 is Pointless!!!

Guest post by BB's LESLEY BRAIN

IT'S OFFICIAL!!!!!! BB10 is pointless!!! Its point has become its very pointlessness.

 

I admit I saw it at a disadvantage last night. I had the television on. How much happier the Brain household would have been if we had acted it out ourselves like some July version of charades

Unfortunately I had enticed Mr Brain, a man unsuited by great age to having his time wasted, to watch with me. It was to have been the gentle culmination of a long but not entirely unsuccessful day. Mine had started with a journey at 5.00 to co-present a breakfast radio show during which I boldly predicted that Roddick would win the tennis so I had every right to feel confident that Freddie, who is so clever he really ought to know by now to hide that cleverness, (9/10), would survive another night.

 

But first we had to plough through an hour of lowlights. I cannot reasonably comment upon the main thrust of BB's argument with Marcus as without live feed (sorry but it has to be said AGAIN) I can only guess at what went on. But I take Marcus' side. Yes, he was angry  - there's nothing wrong with anger, anger isn't a Bad Thing - and Sree IS an odious piece of work whether he be green or purple and BB should know that one of the great lessons in life is to know that even fools are sometimes right.. I thought for one glorious moment he was going to leap from that ridiculous chair and break down the tacky  cardboard walls and wring the neck of the media studies girl trembling as she read from a bit of cardboard written by the never-present producers. So Marcus (8/10) got a formal warning for Something along the lines of 'I'll see you outside'. 

 

Why does Rodrigo (1/10...he is dull but cute) think it such an honour to be in the show? Something must have got lost in the translation. I have grown to love Siavash. He reminds me of a pony I had as a child. I just want to go in to the house and brush his mane. (9/10). Please, please, BB find a beautiful, charming lesbian (I met several at the auditions) to put in to challenge that awful Lisa (0/10)...I can put you in touch with some if necessary. Just a training hint for Kris (1/10) - next time you are doing press-ups look in the mirror. Sooooo girly! So wrong on all levels.

 

And Davina, with remarkable economy of effort and talent, stumbled her way to the end of the hour. There is no tension or atmosphere and I am reminded of the review 'the covers of this book are too far apart'. By now I am bribing Mr Brain with Raymond Blanc mini pattiseries and a huge bowl of ripe apricots (10/10) to keep me company. Watching BB is a lonely business. While 8/10 cats is on and some of the unfunniest people are embarrassingly polishing their egos we wander into the garden to plan where we would like our ashes scattered just for a bit of light relief.

 

Mr Brain, who by now is in despair but surprisingly remembers the girls' names, unlike Kelly Osborne who is to follow, says, 'those girls are looking a bit rough'. I assure him that they will be airbrushed for three days when they come out - it has worked for others, though I name no names for the tedium of the illiterate letters I receive from both her fans. BBLB, to which we return, clutching huge glasses of wine, is now a triumph. It simply cannot get worse.

So many things in life are pointless but Judi James has turned it into an art form. To turn her Richard Attenborough comparisons on herself, she is a dried up old reptile who looks like she's choked on a wasp. Why does Davina toady to her? Whereas Kelly ('who is Marcus?') looked gorgeous and who can blame her for not watching the show? I cannot now watch Brian Belo. What fame and minor celebrity is doing to him is just too awful to watch, it would be like colluding in the exploitation of a dumb animal.

 

Sree, as smug and self-deluded as ever, sat there safe in the knowledge that every BB ex-housemate will be surrounded for years by people - including Davina - who say 'You were a wonderful housemate'. I am reminded of something I saw written on a toilet roll dispenser at the University of Manchester student's union toilets.........UMIST DEGREES, PLEASE TAKE ONE.