Peter Briffa: The Makosi Mystery

Bb11_d85_e2_ultimate_bb_07_wenn2982823 There's more than one mystery about Makosi, of course.

She was first on the show five years ago, and became famous - or rather, notorious - for claiming to have had sex with Anthony in a poolside rendezvous in the middle of the night. Like you need reminding.

It's widely seen as the moment that damaged her chances of winning the show when she was near to being the favourite.


Peter Briffa: Will Brian Win?

Bb11_d79_e5_ultimate_bb_h_21_wenn2975863 It seems to happen every year.

A few days in, and most of the housemates have resigned themselves to the fact that one of their number has got this all wrapped up, they themselves don't have much of a chance and are really only there to make up the numbers.

I suppose it helps them relax a bit. If you don't think you're going to win, and are happy that someone else will, it does rather take the pressure off.


Peter Briffa: Six Face Eviction

09876 Nominations are in, and six are up.

There's been no official announcement of who picked whom, but these are the rumours: Nick got the most with 4, and Makosi got 3. If this were a normal, single eviction they would be facing each other, but because it's a double more have to be in the mix, and that means all those who got two nominations are in as well, and that means Chantelle, Nadia, Nikki and Ulrika.

Which means it's Chantelle V Makosi V Nadia V Nick V Nikki V Ulrika.


Peter Briffa: The Coolio Mystery

Bb11_d80_e1_ultimate_bb_h_53_wenn2978638 So why did Coolio get ejected?

We're really none the wiser why he left, aren't we? I know they have to edit this, and have to make it interesting and entertaining, and therefore have to cut out the repetitions and the boring bits, but you do get the impression that they cut out the real reasons too.

The way it was shown, it looked like BB had given up on him and were only too willing to show him the door.


Peter Briffa: Coolio Leaves

Bb11_d80_e4_ultimate_bb_eviction_02_wenn2975868 Coolio has gone! Less than fifteen hours after surviving eviction, the rapper was called to the diary room, stayed an hour, then left through "the door to your right".

The phrase being bandied about is that he left "by mutual agreement", which basically means he got paid the amount he would have got had he been evicted in the usual manner.

If this had been a normal series they might have been more forthright and said he was ejected for "bullying", but Coolio's a celebrity and they don't want a scandal.


Nikki Grahame: Nikki's UBB insider blog

Nikkitop
So here I am sitting in the Big Brother house, feeling totally honoured and privileged just to be here.

I was never a winner but almost everyone else in here is.. so it was a real surprise when I was asked to take part with Brian, Nadia and Nasty Nick (who by the way is LOVELY!)

I was also shocked to find that Craig Phillips (BB1), Brian Belo and lovely, lovely Pete Bennett weren't among the first ones to come in with us.

Nikki_ulrika
So, at first I felt totally humble and a bit inadequate and totally excited almost like I don't deserve to be here. But then Ulrika cuddled me and made me feel better so I LOVE her already.

BUT.. There are some things I HAD to find out about my housemates so on Friday Big Brother gave me a notebook, pen and typewriter and sent me off to find some scoops about the people I'm living with...


Peter Briffa: John is Evicted!

Bb11_d80_e4_ultimate_bb_eviction_12_wenn2975878 And so John McCririck becomes only the second man to be the first one to be evicted in a BB series. The last time it was boxer Chris Eubank in the very first Celebrity Big Brother.

Was John pleased? I expect so, and he certainly would never admit to it being otherwise, but it was a close run thing, with the winning margin being just over one percent, and the closest ever.

On the whole I think I'm pleased, as Coolio is more of a player, and John already looked to have shot his bolt.


Peter Briffa: Did Josie Mean to Walk?

Bb11_d4_e3_13_wenn2885138 It may seem absurd, having predicted it, to raise the question, but a thought does occur: did Josie really mean to go?

She chose the fire escape. The same fire escape John James disappeared into a few weeks' ago, before bumping into some BB employees who managed to persuade him to return.

Did Josie fancy she'd be getting the same treatment, only to discover there was no one to stop her? That is, she'd crossed the Rubicon, and couldn't really flounce back in, calmly announcing that she'd given it some thought, and that she didn't really want to go, after all.


Josie walks.. into John James' arms

This afternoon JOSIE walked out of Ultimate Big Brother house via the fire exit in the garden after deciding the experience was all too much.

And in a bizarre twist of fate one of the first people she met when she escaped was John James in the Big Brother car park. He had been visiting the Big Brother compound to record a message to give to Josie.

MORE: Our blogger Briffa predicts that Josie will quit

Still wearing her microphone, she was over heard saying "thank god you were here when I came out!" John James said "you're so stupid! I love you so much!"


Nikki Grahame's INSIDE blog

Nikki 

The News of the World always brings you the ultimate inside news on Big Brother.. and on Sunday we're going one better as columnist Nikki Grahame pens her weekly blog from inside the Ultimate Big Brother house.

Expect fireworks as Nikki unleashes her famous rants and rages on fellow housemates for everyone - except them - to read.


Peter Briffa: Will Josie Walk?

996dd7be838935f87e92239695d7c584_extralarge Two days ago she won a hundred thousand pounds.

She's the housemate all the others want to get to know. She's also the favourite to walk off with the final prize as the Ultimate Housemate.

And now it looks like Josie will walk. She's broken down in tears already, and was in and out of the diary room three times during the night.


Peter Briffa: A Star Is Born

Big Brother Final 2010 13 Well blow me down! Josie won! Who saw that coming, eh? And I was there...

I got there at 6.30, and finally got let in just before seven, with a bunch of paparazzi. Indeed, I was the only non-photographer allowed into the pen and felt a bit of an idiot waving my tiny Canon around ( we-hey ) when all the boys with me had massive machines with huge lenses ( more we-hey ).

The recording started about twenty minutes before eight, and was seriously rushed.


Lesley Brain: Her final bow

JOSIE was, as predicted from Day One, winner - thereby casting a pall over the whole 12 week's proceedings. And a worthy winner, I say. She is everything that BB is about.

The People's Choice. Vulgar, uneducated, ill-mannered, manipulative, occasionally - as rare as a panda's mating - verging on charming, a latter day Nancy, desperate to win, and MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL, with a story to sell for the next few months to the cheap magazines. She will love it all and good luck to her.


UBB: The housemates

Bb-nikki-splash

10 years,18 series, 988 days, 255 housemates Big Brother and Celebrity Big Brother have been a televisual phenomenon and it is all about to come to an end.

Before the doors finally close on Britain’s most famous TV house Big Brother is hosting one final hurrah. Handpicking the best of the past housemates from both Big Brother and Celebrity Big Brother series Big Brother has invited them back for one last stay.

Click through to see all the names..


Lesley Brain: The Final Curtain *part one*

WHAT HAS MADE THIS BB11 SUCH AN UNMITIGATED DISASTER?

 I enrolled the help of some chums on DS:BB to try to keep the list to ten headings. (Many thanks to them. I pass round cyber champagne and canapes.) It hasn't been easy.


Peter Briffa: Get Sunita In!

02_sunita_gallery_large Now that BB11 is virtually over, what with Dave walking away with the hundred grand ( don't laugh, he's leapfrogged Mario into second place in the betting ) our thoughts inevitably turn to the Ultimate Big Brother series that starts as soon as the man gets covered in the Glory.

Though I do hope Dave does his Hammered on the Lord's Love trick when Davina interviews him. Anything for a bit of fun.


Peter Briffa: Can Mario Win?

Bb11_d17_e5_eviction_03_wenn2903431 Yesterday Dave and JJ were having a chat, and predicting the order in which they'd be leaving tomorrow.

JJ reckoned it would be him first, Andrew next, Dave would come third, Mario second and first would be the golden girl herself, Josie. Clever chap is our JJ. He's also very shrewd. That's my order. In fact, it's probably everybody's order.

But is it really done and dusted, all over bar the shouting, for a Josie win?


Peter Briffa: Anyone But Josie

Bb11_d74_e1_25_wenn2967885 The first thing to remember is that winning isn't everything.

BB5 was one of my top three series, yet it was won by Nadia. We were told she had gone on a wonderful journey, that she had somehow been accepted by the nation's welcoming bosom, and that it was a great triumph of light over darkness. i.e. The Jungle Cats.

And there was I, thinking that some short-tempered nicotine-addict with a few catchphrases had beaten the far more amusing Victor, Daniel, and Stuart.


Nikki Grahame: It's gonna be Josie

When it rains it pours!!

it's been quite an eventful week in that famous house, what with 'taco hell', the big flood, and bob righter's prediction task where the ex housemates came back into the house - wow the list goes on..

there have been lots of arguments and tension as we near the end of the show,and all the housemates have upped their game at a last ditch attempt to get that £100,000!


Lesley Brain: Goodbye Davina

'Few misfortunes can befall a boy which brings worse consequences than to have a really affectionate mother.'  W.Somerset Maugham 

I'm no Corin. She's a girl who spends three hours a day MINIMUM on her beauty regime and it shows, but not always in a good way. I, on the other hand, belong more to the swift damp flannel over the face and the hope that air-brushing will soon be a feature of everyday life.

Yesterday, however, I spent most of the day at the beauty salon (please don't mock) and then the hairdressers. Such events leave me in awe of glamour models. It's jolly hard work and terribly expensive and, in my case, sometimes of dubious benefit. Except I learn so much!

 


Peter Briffa: In No Particular Order

Bb11_d73_e5_eviction_08_wenn2967662 Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, BB take us down to a new level.

If they keep digging this hard we'll soon be in Australia and John James won't even have to fly back.

There are two mysteries about last night that I can't quite get my head around. One, why they didn't kick them out in the right order. And two, why they didn't reopen the phone lines.


Lesley Brain: The Legend of the Mumbling Quilt



 

Some people have said that JJ reminds them of Ziggy. Never. He is like Chanelle. Just a few days into the BB8 house and she took a manky pair of worn boots into the diary room and told BB to get them repaired. She kicked and screamed when they wouldn't and changed to other demands.

He is also like Charley. On and on and just when you think it has all died down up it starts again...pointlessly droning. Stupid and arrogant, JJ, is an unbeatable combination. We are going to see a lot of that in the next weeks. What a treat The Chav's Special Allstars is going to be!


Peter Briffa: Black Friday

C311e354a48c17b3d9a35e1b53170aa5_extralarge Whatever happens tonight - and your guess is as good as mine - prepare to be disappointed.

My guess, for what it's worth, is that there will be two evicted in the nine o'clock show, then another two after half past ten. After the first eviction, they'll reopen the phone lines for ten minutes before the second, and again for the third. Then come the half hour break, before the lines close again.

At least, that's how I'd do it, as it would give Corin and Sam an outside chance of surviving. And surely BB would like that?


Peter Briffa: Not Waving But Drowning

12 After yesterday's watery interruption things soon back to normal.

That is, there was more communication with the outside world and John James threatened to leave. This show may not have yet gone to down to Davy Jones' Locker, but if there is a circle of hell where you keep seeing the same thing over and over again we're all living in it.

If you want a vision of the future, imagine being stuck in front of a telly, watching John James argue - forever.


Lesley Brain: Completely washed up

I hold up my hands and take full responsibility for The Great Deluge.

I know it went through people's minds that Philip Edgar-Jones might, instead of clearing the contents of his desk into a cardboard box, taking the dead plant and half a box of paper-clips as is traditional, have had a late surge of creativity and put all the plugs into the sinks in the house and turned on all the taps as a leaving gesture.

We've all wanted to do it.


Peter Briffa: Rain Stops Play

Werewolf_21252782517 It would be easy to be cynical. Last night, just after nine o'clock, the BB house was evacuated because of rain.

Is this the most exciting thing that has happened all series? Was God - or Dave's friendly werewolf - trying to stop the Ultimate BB from happening? Was God - or at least his representative the Pope whom Corin has apparently never heard of - punishing them for their ignorance? Did Dave start building an ark, just in case?

And, most importantly, can any self-respecting writer resist using the words damp squib when writing about this?


Peter Briffa: Can Corin Win?

Bb11_d45_e4_22_wenn2935497 There have been BB winners before who liked a practical joke or two.

Craig in the first series hid cigarettes, and did even worse stuff that was so bad it didn't even get shown. But by the time he did it he was in prime position for the win, and after seeing off Nasty Nick most of the viewers were willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Pete, in BB7, got involved in a hide the wine bottle trick. But Pete would have had to commit murder not to win that series. And even if he had, it would probably have been edited to make it look as though Aisleyne had done it.


Peter Briffa: Would You Please Give the Name of Your First Nomination

Bb11_d66_e7_h_15_wenn2962008 The latest ( at the time of writing ) Official BBLive Tweet asks this: "It's No Nominations Monday! Who do you think would have been up if housemates had a choice?"

There's an answer to that. Let them nominate, then we could find out. Hilarious, isn't it?

The shame of these people is astounding. We know that this quadruple eviction scam was only dreamed up at the last minute.


Lesley Brain: More bent than a glamour girl's hair extensions

It's gloves off time, BB. It's time that I stopped pretending under the guise of BEING FAIR. This show is pants. It's rubbish. It stinks. It's more bent than a glamour model's hair extensions and just about as convincing.


Peter Briffa: From Bad to Worse

Bb_stuart_431x30 Regular readers will appreciate the high regard in which I hold the Big Brother production team.

It can't be easy distilling 24 hours of inaction into 45 minutes of highlights.

But they are a hard-working, dedicated band of brothers with no prejudices, no gameplans, and I for one believe it when Phil Edgar-Jones tells us that he doesn't care who wins and that their sole concern is giving us lucky viewers an entertaining show.


ARCHIVE


Nikki Grahame: The most curvilicous, bootilicious horse in BB Lesley Brain: Josie to win BB11 Peter Briffa: Everybody Loves Josie Peter Briffa: A Miserable Shower Leslie Brain: Dave makes me too angry to write about Peter Briffa: Monk versus Cougar Lesley Brain: BB's no soap opera, Mr Edgar-Jones Peter Briffa: Can Sam Win? Lesley Brain: Sadder than Andrew Neil's hair Peter Briffa: Jo, Dave, JJ, and Sam are Up for Eviction Peter Briffa: Watermelon Man Peter Briffa: The Mario Secret Nikki Grahame: Sam to win! Lesley Brain: The Cheeky Girls Peter Briffa: Rachel is Evicted Peter Briffa: Rachel versus John James Peter Briffa: The Mario Mystery Lesley Brain: What the Dickens? Peter Briffa: Mario Survives, Nominates Dave Leslie Brain: The FORCE that is Josie Peter Briffa: Mario, John James, and Rachel are Nominated Lesley Brain: Lesley's BB All-Stars Peter Briffa: Can a Newbie Win? Peter Briffa: Can Josie Win? Nikki Grahame: Keep JEdward in! Lesley Brain: Inarticulate, grumpy but with a warm heart Peter Briffa: Ben is Evicted! Peter Briffa: Ignore the Obvious Lesley Brain: Bathroom trouble Peter Briffa: Ben versus Dave
     
YOUR WRITERS
Nikki Grahame was the undisputed star, although not winner, of BB7. She has since written for a host of magazines. She has strong opinions on everything, especially bottled water.

Lesley Brain put in an appearance on BB8 until she got bored. She is married to Mr Brain, who disapproves of reality television. She has her own, very funny homepage.

Peter Briffa has never appeared on Big Brother but knows more about it than any man alive. When not busy wondering who’s up for eviction he also writes plays. His latest, Siren, opens in August.